Slimdude

Good day, BSers! Mentally, I feel okay. Physically, I feel at one of my all-time worst levels ever. Friday night… chasing him around coupled with lifting him into the crib… oh my god, my back feels like it is shattered into a million pieces. I have shooting pains down my leg and my knees and feet ache. It is times like these when I wish I had some Lortabs or some Darvocets that I could take and drift back to sleep. Even coming in here and sitting in this uncomfortable-ass office chair is work enough.  It hurts. I am in pain. Enuff said.

I felt really bad for my wife having to get home yesterday evening after that long car trip (6 hours…??) and the house was a disaster. I worked really hard Friday and Saturday to tend to our son, chasing him around and changing him and you just don’t realize how much work that is when you are in so much pain. But we did have a good time overall and I don’t regret my decision and I did not tell my wife about the lifting-him-into-the-crib thing because there is no point in making her feel guilty about it. I did what I did and I do not regret it. I’m sure if I just take it easy today and maybe tomorrow I’ll feel good again.

But I still felt badly that the house is in such dissarray and she will have to clean it all up AND she has to get ready for Thanksgiving on Thursday. But really, she keeps saying she is looking forward to it and for years she has always “done” Thanksgiving. Starting in ‘03 when we were stationed elsewhere and on thru this year she has always had at least a few guests and done the whole works. She really does get some kind of thrill out of it which I guess is good. For the most part, we are unconventional in that we hate to cook so we all 3 have different foods at our meals. We do eat together when we can, but we eat different things. The Boy usually like to eat his stuff in addition to sampling ours. We think he actually has a pretty good, varied diet. he loves yogurt so we give him that a lot. And he liked applesauce and he loves fruit. He’ll eat Bananas, Apples cut into pieces with the skin off, prunes, strawberries, peaches and pears. We try to give him sugar free stuff as much as possible, not really because of diet concerns, but just because sugar isn’t good for you. But the bad part is, all that sugar-free stuff has either Splenda or Aspartame in it. So I try and watch that, too. I really think overall it’s not that bad for you, but they just don’t know FOR SURE. It’s one thing to drink diet soda yourself and make that decision but when you are entrusted to monitor the safety and food of your baby, you wonder about feeding them too much sugar, too much fat or too many artificial sweetners.

 But yeah he also loves broccoli and carrots. I swear, it’s so funny to ask a two year old if he wants broccoli and he loves it. I’ve taken him to restaurants before and he’ll leave the chicken, mashed potatoes and whatever while chowing down on steamed broccoli. I hope he stays that way in the long term. And we’ve never had to put cheese on it or anything. He just eats steamed or microwaved soft broccoli.

 But you know, I think it’s about what we eat. It’s not like we eat perfectly. I have my stupid binges and my wife likes a cheeseburger now and again but mostly we do eat a good diet and he sees that and wants to copy us. He also sees we are the type of family who likes to be fit and stay active ( Well… at least Mommy is active these days) and he imitates that. Remember before I’ve often blogged about when I could work out he would copy me, doing push-ups and leg lifts and lifting his little 3 pound weights which I thought was adorable at the time and which now I think it is hilarious that my two year old lifts the same amount that I can comfortably.

sigh.

Okay well, TV-wise I got to see LAST ONE STANDING, which you know is my favorite TV show right now. And they had to wrestle in Senegal. This is like the 3rd wrestling challenge they’ve had. And I really sympathized with Ryko, Raiko, or however you spell it… he got injured and could not compete. Now I’ve never been a top level athelete, but I loved to work out and I cherished my high activity level. So it is very very very hard for me not to be depressed about how extremely immobile I have become these days.

I dream so much about working out, lifting weights, running and doing new DVDs, kickboxing, dancing, etc…. I mean not daydreaming, but like when I am asleep I will dream about this stuff and then wake up and my body will be aching and it is very hard not to feel depressed about it all.

I watch these shows on TV about renovating your house or starting a garden and I just marvel at how physical these activities are and how much I took it for granted before.

I guess my consolation is that… hopefully… hopefully… this is a condition I can come back from. I am working on getting the Cushing’s Syndrome treated and also healing my back and my ribs which are the side effect of Cushing’s. We think.  I hope.

I can’t even imagine having my physicality and mobility taken away from me permanently. It has made me ponder a lot. What if I were to become a parapalegic? A quadrapeligic? What if all of a sudden I could never do anything physical again? I’d have to completely redefine who I was. My wife would have to do everything for the family FOREVER. Not just for a few months! How would I deal with that guilt? That I had suddenly become this burden on us? Would I be able to find a way to provide for my family? Would I be able to keep my spirits high and be pleasant to be around?

The Mommy and Her Mommy (my wonderful mother in law) have taken the Boy to the PARK and then grocery shopping and of course I could not go. On days when I feel even slightly up to it, I force myself out and about. Am I in extreme pain? yes but I go anyway, convinced I will not let this prevent me from having a good time with my family.

But today I just cannot. So oh well. I will try to enjoy myself around here, read some Blogs and at 11:30am Animal House is coming on. So I’ll watch that and have some lunch. My wife is also going grocery shopping today and I think later they are going to our friend’s house. I don’t think I will go. I just dread the thought of me sitting there in pain but pretending I’m not and to make it worse they’ll notice anyway and ask me about it and then we’ll have to have a 20 minute conversation about how much pain I’m in but pretending not to be and Gee what a Great Guy I must be to have all this pain but here I am out with my family and friends anyway.

Hahaha okay that’s kind of bitter and sarcastic there.

But it’s okay. I will just sit on the couch and enjoy some TV this evening and by Thursday I’ll feel great and I will enjoy having friends and family over and maybe I will even do a short dance just for them.

Oh yeah as far as weight loss and diet I’m kind of in this weird phase. I keep trying to get back on the “diet”… I am trying to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day which I figure is a good level for trying to lose a few pounds while being virtually sedentary, but I still get up and have these minor binges which has lead me to a plateu of 150 pounds.

I blogged earlier about how I’m not too beaten up about it, I have other things to worry about. Still, it would be nice to get the last ten vanity pounds off finally before the end of the year. And if I did it while sitting on the couch most of the time that would be hilarious. 150 isn’t the end of the world, but more…

really it’s more about when I wake up at 10pm or midnight or 2am… and you know you have that slight hunger pangs… because your body is dipping into fat stores and it doesn’t want to!! Your body is programmed to keep you at a certain weight. So at midnight my body goes “Wait a minute, we LIKE being at 150 with a little belly here! Don’t burn the fat cells, Matt! Get up and eat some cereal, eat some pizza, eat a cookie!” And if I just had the will-power to say, “No, no… let’s have some water and a diet coke and see what’s on TV or on BuddySlim” then I’d be okay.

But so far this week… the only thing that has saved me from GAINING weight it the fact that I resume my diet IMMEDIETLY the next day and I don’t tell myself “Oh I blew it for the day, week, et cet….” and eat crap all day.

So yeah today I’m trying again for 1200 calories, give or take and hopefully tonight I can finally get back in that groove. Once I get going, it gets easier and easier. I had that one 11-day streak. That got me down to 143, remember? Mmmm so close, and yet…

Sorry I don’t have a good joke for today. Maybe tomorrow.

—Matt

The CPD is , of course… the couch potato diaries. I have just had lunch and I am right on track to about 1200 calories today. I have just taken a mild muscle relaxer and I plan on perhaps having a nap.

My wife and son are off today (veterans day) and they decided to go over to our friend’s house. I did not want to go because I am in pain and also I am technically not supposed to go anywhere since technically I am on Quarters from my supervisor.

The only thing on TV right now is Project Runway from last season. Season 4 of PR is supposed to start on Wed and that’s everybody’s favorite guilty pleasure right?

This morning I watched music videos… nothing amazing… and some other trash TV before my son got up and I’m starting to suspect my wife is passively aggressively punishing me for being couch-bound. She asked me to watch him and make him breakfast and change his diaper this morning so she could sleep an extra hour. Which I did, but I mean… it wasn;t easy and I was hurting the whole time.

Plus, the whole reason I got the day off today was to sit on the couch. If I’d gone to work, she would have had to get up ANYWAY. I don’t think I like where this is going. I’m taking time off work to heal, not to be an extra set of hands around the house when she feels like sleeping in.

And on that note, do you know she is driving across the state to attend a Rock Concert on Friday and she has asked me to watch The Boy. I have agreed but quite frankly I am shocked that she has not considered NOT GOING. She has not even mentioned considering cancelling her plans to go. I am sure I will be fine to watch him but it is going to be EXTREMELY hard. I mean, my little shower-and-shave this morning had me in a great deal of pain.

I mean, really do people NOT UNDERSTAND that if six ribs are broken in your back that every little thing you do causes white hot pain? I try to be positive but then they think I am just jim-dandy instead of just putting on a happy face.

Anyway. Yeah I love my wife but I guess you can tell I’m a little upset about the concert. If she was semi-incapacitated there is no effing way I would leave her for a day to watch our son by herself.

—Matt

Good morning, BSers and Welcome to The Couch Potato Diaries, Day Numero Uno.

These next 35 days, — that’s five weeks — will be dedicated to me healing as much as possible from the recent injuries I have suffered. That is to say, seven— count ‘em, SEVEN— fractured ribs. That’s one up front and six in the back. And by the way, why do people keep asking me if they are “broken… or fractured…?” because from everything I can tell on the Internet, it means the same thing. A fracture is a break. I learned that in Boy Scouts.

So this Blog is where I will bring to you all my random thoughtedness from my couch and from the world of Cable Television, mindless vapid hole that it is, but which I am addicted to.

At the same time, here is my struggle to keep on losing weight. Even though my activity level will have to be low-low-low, as far as I can tell, keeping my calories between 1200-1500 per day should still result in weight loss.

I have binged for 3 nights straight, let;s get that confession right out of the way right now. You’d think I’d be all like “Damn… I was so close to 140 and now here I am back up near 150… 149.5 to be exact…” but I’m not at all.

I’m very positive and motivated that I can still lose about 2 pounds per week and by the time 5 weeks have passed I betcha I am at my goal weight of 140. I’m just gonna keep on doing my three-hour meal and snack timing, lean proteins, good carbs, fruits veggies et cetera,… you guys know the drill.

My little goal this week will be to clock in at 148 by Sunday. Easy!

I am in a little bit of back and leg pain this morning but I decided to get on up and take a shower and shave my grizzly-adams looking face and put on a little bit of old spice. If I’m going to lay around all day in pain I can at least make an effort to look and smell decent, right?

Hey I’m so excited my wife has decided she wants to be a Nurse! She is so motivated. My wife is way way way smarter than me and she likes school more than I do. It’s not like she LOOOOOVES it, ya know, but she does it anyway. Right now she is in a few classes just to get her… regular degree? But starting in January she is going to go full time in classes that go towards nursing. I think she would be a fantastic nurse and the rate at which I am going God knows I’m going to need a great nurse around.

Okay well now I have made a vow to myself to visit AT LEAST ten other BS blogs a day, if not more and leave motivational comments if I can think of some good ones. You all have been so good to me, I need to return the favor.

I’ll probably be back later but who knows WHAT the day will bring? It’s early yet.

—Matt

Thanks to all the BSers who left me such supportive comments on my last post. You have no idea what it means to have this community to reach out to and have you leave comments like that.

On one hand, I really feel weird logging on and pouring out all these negative, depressing emotions regarding my current situation. It’s not the kind of man I want to be. But on the other, it does feel nice to have a safe and secure place where I can write about how much pain I am in and the emotions I am having that go along with it.

Saturday and Sunday all I have done is lie on the couch. My wife has done everything around the house and with my son. I admit that sometimes it is pretty nice to lie there and watch stupid TV. because ya’ll know I like TV. But give me a break, 12-16 hours a day of cable TV? Yikes!

So I try to get up about every hour or so and do something, like Blog… or do a few dishes. Or put away a few clothes.

But the pain has gotten so bad that even that just wipes me out. Just 10 little minutes of moving around and my whole body is just lit up with sparkly white pain and I have GOT to lay down again.

I hate asking my wife to do anything for me, even though she is the most patient and kind-hearted person. I know she would do anything for me, but it seems so unfair that I just lay on the couch while she takes care of The Boy and all the household stuff too.

I really feel badly about it.

Then there is the fact that laying on the couch with little to do doesn’t put me in the best mood. It makes me sad and depressed. So here I am, this sad depressed lump in pain on the damn couch.

My boss did me a huge favor and said I could take tomorrow off, since the damn doctors didn’t even offer that to me. Uhm, yeah… in the military getting time off is like pulling teeth sometimes. I can’t believe they didn’t even offer to let me stay home. But like I said, my boss gave me the day off tomorrow… and on Tuesday I will take leave. I think I have more than a month saved up on vacation days. So I’m going to take as many weeks as I can. I’m going to sit on my couch and heal.

And who knows? If I can stick to a good diet I could probably even lose a little more weight! Even with no activity. Maybe about 1400 calories per day?

The hard part is you eat out of BOREDOM, not hunger.

I’ll have to watch that.

Once again, thanks for all your support BSers. If you ever think you can’t make a difference with some stupid internet comments, you are wrong. Your comments make me think it is possible for me to resist the junk food, possible to heal, and return better than ever in the coming months!!

—Matt

Hello, BSers and welcome to Friday! Is everybody ready for a fantastic weekend? I have no idea WHAT I am going to do this weekend… it’s looking to be an “easy weekend” for me. I’m hoping to either watch my son a lot so my wife can enjoy some time to herself OR get somebody else to watch him so that we can have a date or something.

Her sister has been here all week long so while I sleep (or rather, attempt to sleep) during the day they have been hanging out, sometimes with their Mom who also lives here in town, and sometimes even with The Boy. He normally attends DayCare but sometimes if they want to do something fun they will leave him out of “school” for the day and he goes with them.

For instance, Thursday they went to the local aquarium where they have fish and animals and dolphin shows and he liked all that.

But he is nearing the “Terrible Two”s now and sometimes he whines and cries and pitches a fit a lot and I just won’t have it. I don’t believe in giving in to him when he whines or cries. I believe in putting him in “time out” — his crib and then he can cry and whine all he wants to. It usually calms him down immedietly because he cannot stand to be by himself and have no one to play with.

My wife gives in more than I do and I keep telling her she is just encouraging his behaviour. Like last night she had a milkshake and he wanted to hold the straw and when she would not let him he pitches a hissy fit and she actually made him his own sippy sup of her milkshake. I wanted him to be sent to time out ASAP.

Another thing is I don’t really spank him but sometimes if he does something like hit me in the face or reach and grab something I told him not to, I will give him a “pop” high on his leg near his diaper or on his hand, but I feel REALLY DUMB saying ” We don’t hit!” and then popping his hand. Any other parents with thoughts on this? Time out DOES work so should I just stick to that and not the idiotic “popping” on his hand?

In weight-loss and diet news: I bought a little “mini-exercise bike”… you know, like a pedal thing? From Amazon.com for about 35 bucks and I really like it so far. It makes just a slight little noise not even really noticeable. I love that I have a form of activity that I can do mindlessly while watching TV and it doesn’t hurt my back at all. I just sit there and pedal away on the couch. We do have carpet so I had to push it against the coffee table to prevent it from sliding away. It has an adjustable resistance so I set it to about the same level as the recumbent bikes at the gym.

I am glad I own it, I probably burn about 300 calories per hour just watching TV and pedaling. It could also be used with your arms on a counter-top if your legs were out-of-commision. It is super light even though it is very strudy stainless steel. The only real downside is the sides get super-duper hot from the friction so if the Boy is around I have to watch him like a hawk because if he reached out and grabbed it — it might burn his little hand.

The scale keeps hovering around 143 pounds. I have not had a binge in over a week, Sunday morning will make two weeks officially I am so proud of myself. I wake up and think a little about all the stuff I could have, but then I usually just realize I’m not hungry I just want a nibble, so if I really want to munch, I get down on some celery and salsa or perhaps a gelatin dessert.

Somebody said a while back to concentrate on all the good things I CAN have , and they are right. We are so lucky in America to have such good foods… sugar free this and low carb that. Not to mention just regular stuff like fish and eggs and whole grains and everything. plus access to all this nutritional info and ways to stay active and yet here we are sitting around doing next to nothing and stuffing our gob holes with the worst foods imaginable.

Oh well.

Tonight I think I will have some tilapia and broccoli with ranch-flavored salsa ( I take a little fat free ranch powder from the packet and sprinkle it into salsa) and then for dessert some sugar free strawberry Jell-O with sugar free choc pudding and some FF reddi whip. That’s only about 300 calories for everything.

Maybe before bed some sugar free cocoa.

And some snuggle time with the family. Sound like a nice Friday night. Hope all yours are just as great.

—Matt

Just some random thoughts for this Wednesday night:

*I’m loving the new Britney album. It’s almost too catchy for it’s own damn good. I love a great pop album and this certainly is it. There are at least ten radio-ready hits on it if not more.

*My son was in a terribly bratty mood today. We all went out to Po Folks for dinner. I’m not crazy about Po Folks and to tell you the truth, I really wanted my oatmeal for… well… it’s my breakfast but everyone else’s dinner… because it was about 6pm. But I went because being with my family is more important that my stupid oatmeal. But my son (who is almost two) was being so moody and whiny today. The final straw was at 8pm tonight I was willing to share my Vitalicious brownie with him. I had my brownie and some no-sugar added choc ice cream as my “snack” and he wanted to hold the spoon but I would not let him so he pitched a fit. His mother and I had had enough so he went to bed a half hour early. We were suprised he conked right out after we left the room. Guess the poor guy was just too tired today. But I am not going to be terrorized by a two year old, no matter how much I love the little dude.

*My work has been so supportive of me healing from this rib injury. They harrass me in fun about being “crippled” but they know I must be in a lot of pain with seven broken ribs. Their favorite joke is about my wife beating me. But my wife reports that if she had hit me with a bat, she would have made damn sure it was 9 ribs broken instead of just 7. Hahahaha. What a funny gal.

*I do have Squadron PC tonight, but all I do is ride the recumbent bike. To tell you the truth, the rib thing IS painful, especially the longer I am awake and moving around, but the lower back issues are what is really getting to me. It is a bitch to reach down for something or lift something as simple as a gallon of freaking milk and have your lower back painfully spasm. I really hate this. I feel like an invalid.

*I am sort of digging the new NBC show, Phenomenon. The one where spoon-bending sensation Uri Gellar and Mind Freek Cris Angel look for our next great magician slash illusionist.

*The Biggest Loser was rather uneventful this week. The product placement was decent, Jenn-O turkey. Never had it but it looks okay. The going green idea was kind of neat.

*I love having my Sister in Law here. The Boy adores her. It’s really weird that her husband has gone to stay on the other side of Florida because he wants to play golf with their Dad. He actually told my SiL that our home is “trashy”. I can’t believe that. Our home is very clean and it looks great! But I think it’s because we live in a “manufactured” home. He thinks it is beneath him to stay here. I am really stunned because I don’t run into many people with his mentality. I am always thinking about impoverished kids in Darfur or whatever, and most Americans I know have the same mindset… very charitable and non-judgemental. But this guy is way up into things like rims on cars and video games and all that. The more bling the better.

And what really pisses me off is the way he treats my SiL. My SiL and my wife are twins. And they are different personality-wise, but I love them both so much. And I think my SiL deserves to have someone who will adore her and take care of her and make her feel special the way I try to do with my wife. But he doesn’t. She completely dotes on him and he acts like he could not give two farts about anything she wants and it really makes me sad.

Oh well. Some women just put up with too much from assholes because they don’t think they deserve better. But they do.

We all do.

—Matt

P.S. In weight-related news, still no binges and the scale said “142″ today when I first got up at 3pm. I’m elated to be so damn close but on the other I think I’m probably dropping weight too fast. Maybe 1500 calories is a little too low. But then again, I’m so close I can start playing with “maintenance calories” soon enough…

I thought maybe I would take a moment to explain why there are always junk type stuff stuff in the house. Yes, it is true that my wife tries to eat healthy. But at the same time, she loves to bake and make sweets. She also buys more junk food than I do. I would never buy bags of chips and Doritos and stuff but she does.

Believe me, we’ve been down this road and discussed the whole thing and basically it came down to “I am a grown man and I have to control what I eat, regardless of what is in the house.”

It is frustrating, I won’t lie. I feel like if I was an alchoholic or a smoker my wife would take it seriously and not have booze and cigs lying around, but with food people think it’s different. My wife is the type of person who can buy a whole box of OREOs and literally eat one or two. And then  the whole thing just sits there for a week, taunting me…

So anyway, yes… we’ve had our issues and she knows it is hard for me but I think she underestimates how hard it is. But usually when we bake stuff like brownies and cakes she lets me take them all to work.

My wife has a lot of self-esteem and guilt issues and I love her so so so much I’d rather not have her think that she contributes to my weight struggle in any way. So that’s pretty much THAT whole situation.

She will not support me in losing weight and I do not ask her to anymore because she gets very upset at even the notion that she could be contributing…

In brighter news, I ordered one of those little “Mini-Pedal” bike things from Amazon.com. You know, the type that you can put anywhere and just peddle away the calories with your feet or arms. I got the one with the highest user rating versus price, it was about 35 bucks. Because…

Okay like today my back is killing me, there is NO WAY I am going to Gazelle or walk. But if I had that I could at least pedal and stay active while watching TV (or Blogging!).

I have some Vitalicious Chocolate Muffins in the oven. If you don’t know about Vitalicious, you have GOT to try them. Basically they are “healthy” brownies. In so many flavors, you can buy them pre=packaged or in the mix and bake them up yourself. Take my word for it, they are delicious and they come packed with protein and fiber and only 100 calories per muffin. I like mine with a squirt of fat free Reddi Whip or some Fat Free Cool Whip frozen, I swear it’s like you are eating ice cream and cake but you’re only eating like 140 calories, plus all that protein and fiber. It is one “cheat” that’s not cheating at all but you will feel like it is.

Their website is www.vitalicious.com

I swear, one Chocolate VitaMuffin + Scoop of frozen fat free cool whip + some fat free reddi whip on top = no guilt cake and ice cream.

—Matt

P.S. stepped on the scale today and it said “143.5″. Oh Mr. Scale you are too kind, my friend.

Well, I do not know how much I will be able to Blog and Blog-Surf because it is already 6:15am and my son will probably wake up soon.

I went for a mild walk this morning… I think I covered three miles, which means I officially completed The Thanksgiving Walking Challenge. But I’ll still keep track of how many more miles I can get before then.

I am in kind-of a lot of pain this morning. Stiffness in the knees and left foot. Lower back is mildly sore and of course the rest of the crap-ola from my ribs. But at least now I know. Even as I was walking this morning I found myself wondering if perhaps I couldn’t at least do some biceps curls or something like that… it is going to be really hard for me to just “take it easy” these next few months.

The great news is, almost a week has passed since my last binge and my eating has been right on-point. This morning the scale says “144″. I wonder if that is a fluke? Tomorrow is my “official” weigh-in day, so I’ll update my ticker tomorrow.

Now I am going to try and see how many Blogs I can visit before my son gets up. My S-I-L is here staying with us. The rest of my In-Laws are at a campground about 30 minutes away. We are all supposed to spend the day together and I am looking forward to that.

Have a Great Weekend, BSers.

—Matt

Well, I wrote this really long post earlier but now it’s gone. Don’t know how that happened. My back was so bad last night I used my “Day Off” from working weekend duty. It’s still pretty bad. I want to exercise so badly but I’m telling myself to take the week off.

Still… last night my wife told me, not in a mean way… but she said she has to start thinking of me as handicapped. And I was like “Well… this lower back problem is not the same thing as my other stuff…” but she had to do all the Boy stuff yesterday while I layed on the couch.

But I could not stand to hear that she thought of me as crippled in any way so today I was putting dishes away and I helped her with the grocery shopping and everything else.

I tried to stay up all night last night and watch TV and eat my normal meals and it worked out very well. Tatiana is right you have to be careful when you are just bored watching TV on the couch, you want to snack mindlessly. Believe me, the chips and dip and tiny candies from the weekend party were calling my name. But I resisted and just drank diet soda in between snacks and meals. I think I ate about 1300 calories.

Then this morning I could not fall asleep because I kept falling asleep on the couch last night. So I helped my wife take The Boy to school and then we ran errands that included grocery shopping. Her lower back is also hurting her in a minor way lately so I have been giving her lower back massages.

Okay this part is kind of private and all but it’s funny so I’m going to share. After our afternoon errands we took a bath together and then we were going to get “romatic” but both our backs were hurting and then it was too funny because we could not find any good position that did not hurt one or both of us, so we ended up laughing so much it just became “cuddle time” because the mood just changed so much.

Ahhh, it’s good to be married to someone that you can laugh like that with.

Anyway.

Tonight is the Biggest Loser. I am so used to exercising during the whole program it will be hard to just sit on the couch. I really hate this.

I tried some Capasizn or whatever it is called with the pepper in the balm… and it is horrible! It doesn’t work at all. It just makes your skin burn. And not in a soothing way like IcyHot or BenGay. It just BURNS so in addition to your muscle pain your skin is burning as well. And it’s hard to wash off so everything you touch also burns.

This weekend my wife’s Dad’s side is coming. We like her Dad and his wife. And we like her sister, who is just back from Iraq. But some of the people coming are very judgemental and very materialistic. My wife is anxious because our “new” home is a Manufactured Home. It’s not like we live in a run-down trailer, it’s a nice house. But my wife is so worried because it’s not all hardwood floors and fireplaces and plasma screen TVs.

We put our time and resources into each other, our family, our son, and my wife’s education and my Air Force career. Her family does not have kids or anything like what we have. Our values are completely different. We would spend our weekends volunteering or out at the park with our son.

They would spend it shopping for brand new clothes and  cars and stuff.

But she is worried. I love her so much. I hope she’ll be okay this weekend.

—Matt

So things have gotten better, kind of…

 Part of my Lab results (for conditions that may cause my pain and arthritis) came back and they are all normal. Nevertheless I have been advised to seek more second opinions.I may be referred to an off-base rheumatologist.

I injured my chest at work trying to push on some AGE and that was stupid… something MUST be wrong here but I am very careful to ask them NOT to write me any scripts for pain drugs because I don’t want them to think I am looking for pills. I am also NOT looking to get discharged.

So all that is up in the air…

Good news is this morning when I got home I was “148″ and when I wake up my weight is frequently “145″.

My wife started baking for the holidays and my son is going to school again today. We are having a Halloween party, a small one… this weekend and I think a few people are coming by. I hope you all are doing great.

—Matt