Slimdude

— i don’t want 2 go 2 rehab…

yesterday got scary. from 2am on I gradually lost feeling in my extremities until I was in a lot of pain and I could feel but I could not make my hands, legs, arms, feet move without extreme pain and difficulty.

 bp was extremely high, at 160/120 something.

called 911 and spent the morning in ER strapped to the tgorture device aka back board.

tests came back normal but the crazy thing is, they did not do any scans on my ribs or back at all. Not one.

Gee, the area with the most pain.

Wasn’t hungry, got sick.

Went to Endocrinologists office and he ordered more tests, which I have up to 3 weeks to finish.

I need answers.

Back still hurts so much, even on Medication. BUT I have decided to make myself get up several times a day. Unassisted if possble, but with my walker if I need to.

Even sitting here now with my laptop… shooting pain in my back and legs. Must find a better position…

hope u r all doing well.

thnx 4 the supportive comment.

—Matt

i got a laptop. early xmas present. most days i lie flat on my back and watch tv and read all day. muxles hurt. joints ache. ribs hurt. aking meds, eating 1200-1500 cal per day. still figuring out how to type comfortably. glad i’m back on the net. tghis thing sitting on my chest is heavier yjam i thouhjt it woiuld be, please esxcuse the spelling errors. like i said, still workig out hot to type … can barely see ghe keybard. have fun.’

matt.

okay i have managed to crawl in here 2 update.

 this will have 2 b short, i think. there is no way 2 sit and type comfortably enuff rite now. i am in good spirits. went 2 doctor yesterday. ordeal. getting in and out of car and wheelchairs, etc…

now slightly better drugs r helping.

rumors of “longer” medically authorized leave perhaps for me to heal…

trying 2 stay happy, on couch watching lots of tv, but oh well… could b worse! i have a loving wife and my son… oh wow the things he has done and is doing lately i wish i could write all about it but i just cant sit here for that long.

diet is great. i eat between 1200-1500 cals per day depends on my hunger level. everyday in the afternoon i treat myself 2 a slice of that pumpkin pie from hungrygirl’s recipes and a big mug of sf cappucino.

last time i stepped on the scale i was 145 so i’m updating my ticker to that.

diet really must b everything because i know people who r so active but eat like crap and cant lose weight.

but here i am barely move at all and just watching what i eat and how much i am doing great.

it helps a lot that even tho the inclination is there, i am not crawling to the kitchen at 2am to binge.

—matt

Morning BSers! Wondering where I have been? Well, here is your answer:

FLAT ON MY BACK.

 Sad but true, last Sunday Night, I zigged when I should have zagged & my lower back gave out on me completely. I was already having trouble W moderate pain in that area and it seized up so visciously that I merely slumped to the floor and lay there in pain for a good hour before scootching my way back to the couch where I have been ever since.

I can only crawl on my hands and my knees but that gets painful due to my ribs and also it hurts my knees. So sometimes I crawl to the rest-room And somtimes my wife just gets me a pee-bottle.

I do feel a little better. I was able to crawl in here today and haul myself on to the chair. And I can now pull myself up on things and stand for  a few brief moments.

In better news. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Ate Turkey and apples and some of the pumpkin pie we made from the hungry girl recipe. I also had a slice yesterday. It is so good I can’t even believe it is so low-calorie.

Well, being confined to the couch has certainly made calorie-watching, diet and not-bingeing at night a snap. I could not even if I wanted to.

later.

—Matt

Good day, BSers! Mentally, I feel okay. Physically, I feel at one of my all-time worst levels ever. Friday night… chasing him around coupled with lifting him into the crib… oh my god, my back feels like it is shattered into a million pieces. I have shooting pains down my leg and my knees and feet ache. It is times like these when I wish I had some Lortabs or some Darvocets that I could take and drift back to sleep. Even coming in here and sitting in this uncomfortable-ass office chair is work enough.  It hurts. I am in pain. Enuff said.

I felt really bad for my wife having to get home yesterday evening after that long car trip (6 hours…??) and the house was a disaster. I worked really hard Friday and Saturday to tend to our son, chasing him around and changing him and you just don’t realize how much work that is when you are in so much pain. But we did have a good time overall and I don’t regret my decision and I did not tell my wife about the lifting-him-into-the-crib thing because there is no point in making her feel guilty about it. I did what I did and I do not regret it. I’m sure if I just take it easy today and maybe tomorrow I’ll feel good again.

But I still felt badly that the house is in such dissarray and she will have to clean it all up AND she has to get ready for Thanksgiving on Thursday. But really, she keeps saying she is looking forward to it and for years she has always “done” Thanksgiving. Starting in ‘03 when we were stationed elsewhere and on thru this year she has always had at least a few guests and done the whole works. She really does get some kind of thrill out of it which I guess is good. For the most part, we are unconventional in that we hate to cook so we all 3 have different foods at our meals. We do eat together when we can, but we eat different things. The Boy usually like to eat his stuff in addition to sampling ours. We think he actually has a pretty good, varied diet. he loves yogurt so we give him that a lot. And he liked applesauce and he loves fruit. He’ll eat Bananas, Apples cut into pieces with the skin off, prunes, strawberries, peaches and pears. We try to give him sugar free stuff as much as possible, not really because of diet concerns, but just because sugar isn’t good for you. But the bad part is, all that sugar-free stuff has either Splenda or Aspartame in it. So I try and watch that, too. I really think overall it’s not that bad for you, but they just don’t know FOR SURE. It’s one thing to drink diet soda yourself and make that decision but when you are entrusted to monitor the safety and food of your baby, you wonder about feeding them too much sugar, too much fat or too many artificial sweetners.

 But yeah he also loves broccoli and carrots. I swear, it’s so funny to ask a two year old if he wants broccoli and he loves it. I’ve taken him to restaurants before and he’ll leave the chicken, mashed potatoes and whatever while chowing down on steamed broccoli. I hope he stays that way in the long term. And we’ve never had to put cheese on it or anything. He just eats steamed or microwaved soft broccoli.

 But you know, I think it’s about what we eat. It’s not like we eat perfectly. I have my stupid binges and my wife likes a cheeseburger now and again but mostly we do eat a good diet and he sees that and wants to copy us. He also sees we are the type of family who likes to be fit and stay active ( Well… at least Mommy is active these days) and he imitates that. Remember before I’ve often blogged about when I could work out he would copy me, doing push-ups and leg lifts and lifting his little 3 pound weights which I thought was adorable at the time and which now I think it is hilarious that my two year old lifts the same amount that I can comfortably.

sigh.

Okay well, TV-wise I got to see LAST ONE STANDING, which you know is my favorite TV show right now. And they had to wrestle in Senegal. This is like the 3rd wrestling challenge they’ve had. And I really sympathized with Ryko, Raiko, or however you spell it… he got injured and could not compete. Now I’ve never been a top level athelete, but I loved to work out and I cherished my high activity level. So it is very very very hard for me not to be depressed about how extremely immobile I have become these days.

I dream so much about working out, lifting weights, running and doing new DVDs, kickboxing, dancing, etc…. I mean not daydreaming, but like when I am asleep I will dream about this stuff and then wake up and my body will be aching and it is very hard not to feel depressed about it all.

I watch these shows on TV about renovating your house or starting a garden and I just marvel at how physical these activities are and how much I took it for granted before.

I guess my consolation is that… hopefully… hopefully… this is a condition I can come back from. I am working on getting the Cushing’s Syndrome treated and also healing my back and my ribs which are the side effect of Cushing’s. We think.  I hope.

I can’t even imagine having my physicality and mobility taken away from me permanently. It has made me ponder a lot. What if I were to become a parapalegic? A quadrapeligic? What if all of a sudden I could never do anything physical again? I’d have to completely redefine who I was. My wife would have to do everything for the family FOREVER. Not just for a few months! How would I deal with that guilt? That I had suddenly become this burden on us? Would I be able to find a way to provide for my family? Would I be able to keep my spirits high and be pleasant to be around?

The Mommy and Her Mommy (my wonderful mother in law) have taken the Boy to the PARK and then grocery shopping and of course I could not go. On days when I feel even slightly up to it, I force myself out and about. Am I in extreme pain? yes but I go anyway, convinced I will not let this prevent me from having a good time with my family.

But today I just cannot. So oh well. I will try to enjoy myself around here, read some Blogs and at 11:30am Animal House is coming on. So I’ll watch that and have some lunch. My wife is also going grocery shopping today and I think later they are going to our friend’s house. I don’t think I will go. I just dread the thought of me sitting there in pain but pretending I’m not and to make it worse they’ll notice anyway and ask me about it and then we’ll have to have a 20 minute conversation about how much pain I’m in but pretending not to be and Gee what a Great Guy I must be to have all this pain but here I am out with my family and friends anyway.

Hahaha okay that’s kind of bitter and sarcastic there.

But it’s okay. I will just sit on the couch and enjoy some TV this evening and by Thursday I’ll feel great and I will enjoy having friends and family over and maybe I will even do a short dance just for them.

Oh yeah as far as weight loss and diet I’m kind of in this weird phase. I keep trying to get back on the “diet”… I am trying to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day which I figure is a good level for trying to lose a few pounds while being virtually sedentary, but I still get up and have these minor binges which has lead me to a plateu of 150 pounds.

I blogged earlier about how I’m not too beaten up about it, I have other things to worry about. Still, it would be nice to get the last ten vanity pounds off finally before the end of the year. And if I did it while sitting on the couch most of the time that would be hilarious. 150 isn’t the end of the world, but more…

really it’s more about when I wake up at 10pm or midnight or 2am… and you know you have that slight hunger pangs… because your body is dipping into fat stores and it doesn’t want to!! Your body is programmed to keep you at a certain weight. So at midnight my body goes “Wait a minute, we LIKE being at 150 with a little belly here! Don’t burn the fat cells, Matt! Get up and eat some cereal, eat some pizza, eat a cookie!” And if I just had the will-power to say, “No, no… let’s have some water and a diet coke and see what’s on TV or on BuddySlim” then I’d be okay.

But so far this week… the only thing that has saved me from GAINING weight it the fact that I resume my diet IMMEDIETLY the next day and I don’t tell myself “Oh I blew it for the day, week, et cet….” and eat crap all day.

So yeah today I’m trying again for 1200 calories, give or take and hopefully tonight I can finally get back in that groove. Once I get going, it gets easier and easier. I had that one 11-day streak. That got me down to 143, remember? Mmmm so close, and yet…

Sorry I don’t have a good joke for today. Maybe tomorrow.

—Matt

Well, I feel pretty good mentally. Physically, I am very sore and stiff this AM.

My day yesterday went pretty well over-all. The Boy and I watched a lot of TV, but we also played a lot with toys. He even took a nap right on the sofa while VH1’s “I Love The 90s : Part Deux” was on.

I was on my feet quite a bit yesterday so I think I’m feeling it today.

But there are downs to yesterday. One, at about 6:30pm he got it in his head to be extremely hyper and mischevious and no matter how many times I told him “No” and not to touch something and settle down he just would not listen. I think I probably gave him about ten chances to stop all that, like jumping on the couch, pulling on the curtains, climbing on the table, on and on until I finally told him I would put him to bed “You are going Nite Nite in your crib if you don’t stop!” which he fully understands but he did not stop so I ended up putting him in his crib, which of course hurt my lower back a little bit so now it hurts and he screamed and cried for a solid hour and I felt bad both physically and mentally…

I had so wanted the evening to be pleasant and nice and he could have stayed up as late as he wanted until he fell asleep as long as he was good. Anyway, I guess I just felt so crappy I gave in and had a minor binge. A lean pocket, some cookies, and a gigantic bowl of cereal. I knew the whole time I was doing it purely to make myself feel better, and afterwards of course I felt even worse because now on top of the kid thing and the back thing now I had the stupid eating at night thing.

oh well. one day I will learn. perhaps today.

he did wake up at 11pm or so crying a little so of course I went in there and it took everything I had physically but I carried my little boy back into the living room with me and laid him on the couch and he slept on one sofa and I slept on the other one all night. I had to turn off the TV to get him to fall asleep, though.

Oh I love him so much why can’t he just mind me when I tell him stuff? darn it.

Okay well the scale is holding steady at 150 so I guess until I stop binge-ing and snacking at night I’m not going to lose the last ten pounds.

I’m excited about Thanksgiving, www.hungrygirl.com has a great recipe for pumpkin pie that is only 135 calories per slice and I either want my wife to make it or I want to make it and see what it tastes like.

Nothing that spectacular to report on the TV front… here is your joke for the day:

*A little boy and his father were walking and they happened to see two dogs humping, and the little boy says “What are they doing Daddy?”

“Well son, they are making a puppy.”

So a few nights later the son accidentally walks in on his parents making love. and he says “Daddy what are you doing to Mommy?”

“well son, we are making a baby.”

“Well flip her over I’d rather have a puppy!”

oh my.

—Matt

Well… it has been a lot harder to resist the snackies and the binges than I originally thought. I woke up again at about 10:30pm last night and polished off about half a loaf of bread with honey and bananas.

But, inspired by MarathonGirl, I am going to start a No-Binge No-Nite Eating 30 Day Challenge in the forum area and you all are more than welcome to join in. Is binge eating your dietary downfall? Or nite time eating? Or a combo of the two? Why not join in that thread once I get it rolling. We’ll see if we can go 30-days in a row, or at least cut way way down. I think I’ve only *NOT* done it one day this week, and that was probably only because I hurt so bad I could not haul myself into the kitchen.

But overall life is okay. I am still on vacation for the next three weeks… we cut it back some… I did not see “Last One Standing” last night I was asleep.

My next step in the Med Thing is my referral to the Endo which will be next week, plus I see my regular Doc, Dr. C next Tuesday.

Today the Boy and I are hanging out all day together. I really hope he does not give me too many problems. We almost decided to have a friend watch him all night but … I guess it’s a pride thing but I am a man I should be able to take care of my little boy.

I think we’ll have fun overall I just can’t be chasing him all over the house. As long as he’ll bring me stuff like games and blocks and cars and balls we’ll be okay. We can watch cartoons and stuff. I like hanging out with my kid (he will turn 2 at the end of DEC) I always have and I could not bear the thought that someone else was watching him overnight, even though this is a very trusted friend and all. I want him to hang out with his Dada. Because I’m sure the day will come soon enough when he will be embarrassed to be around us, and he’ll be like other teens : “Leave me alooooooone!” , “get off my back!” “I hate youuuuu” et cetera.

So while he’s little and he’s good I’m grateful.

Oh and yesterday we went to his DayCare to have Thanksgiving lunch with him and I had an empty cup and jokingly I said “here son, get Dada some water…” and he took my cup, went straight over to their water faucet, turned it on and filled my cup up and brought it back to me. Also he was drinking from it, too. I was really really shocked. He seems so smart sometimes but he barely says anything. Only Dada and Mama and Up and Ball and he loves SpongeBob he goes “ooooooooooh!” when the pirate does at the beginning and when spongebob pops up and plays his nose as a flute my son copies him. He can point to anything you ask him too I’m always a little surprised frankly at the things he knows like objects and colors and body parts. You can say “get me the blue truck” and he’ll come back with a blue truck I don’t even realize he owned. But he just doesn’t talk. I try to get him to say Please and Thank You and Yes and No but he only shakes his head for yes and no. And he shrugs his shoulders for “I don’t know”… like if you ask him to go find something… “where is your drink?” and he’ll leave for five minutes, come right up to you with the cutest look on his face of bewilderment, and shrug his shoulders and hold out his hands… “dada I don’t know where the cup is…” he seems to say… I do love him a lot, even when he is whiny or very hyper. Oh god I don’t … I hope he’s not too hyper today. I hate to sound like a pansy but I do not have it in me to chase him all over the house. Hopefully we’ll spend most of our time in the living room. And THANK GOD when I say let’s change your diaper up here, he will climb onto the couch and lay there.

Okay before I forget , here is your joke for today:

Two little boys are walking thru the woods and they see some rabbit poop. The one kid goes “hey what’s that?” and the other boy says “Oh those are smart pills! try one!”

so the first kid tastes it and says “Yuck, this tastes like Doo-Doo!”

“see, you’re getting smarter already!”

Ba=dum=ching!

—Matt

I actually have a lot to post about, BSers… if I remember it all. So I hope you are in the mood for a long Blog post. If not, well hey… there are other blogs in the sea.

First of all, the scale says “150″ this morning. Sadly, even as I promised MarathonGirl we would start a 30-day challenge together of not bingeing I did exactly that last night. But for some weird reason, I don’t feel all that badly about it. Maybe because I know I can just get on the bandwagon today, eat about 1200 calories, and be okay. I also think it’s because I know that I’m only 150 pounds. I think if I were, like… 200 pounds and I had this problem I’d be more upset. I just don’t get mad at myself for binges anymore. I just (sigh) and start over again. I’m glad. I can remember the days where I’d binge and wake up and feel HORRIBLE about myself and I’d be grouchy to my friends and family the whole day.

If you binge eat, please please please make an effort to accept that it is a bad habit but it is part of who you are… PLEASE do not beat yourself up about it. Just start with your very next meal. Take a nice walk if you can and remember there are bigger things in life. Your family and your friends and people on here at BuddySlim. Okay? feeling guilty and grouchy only makes the problem worse.

Okay… so then. Yesterday I had my Bone Scan downtown. I was up and walking around most of the day so by the time we picked up my son at about 4pm I was in so much pain. I sat my butt down on the couch and took a pill and did not do anything hardly for the rest of the day. Okay maybe I did make dinner for myself and wipe off the kitchen counter and do a few dishes. But this was later on after I felt better and before Project Runway came on.

Well anyway about my Bone Scan they shoot you up with ink and then  two hours later you come back and they look at your bones, I guess with some sort of radiological machine. I don’t have anything new in any of my body but on the report that my original doctor gave me it has all my bloodwork and my medical history since I got here and (hahahaha) it’s like a novel. It’s huge. It’s so funny that over the past year my body has been failing me slowly but surely. Here I am this used-to-be fit guy who works out and exercises and tries to balance everything with weights and resistance and cardio and yoga and I was just falling apart.

And now we think we know why : the Cushings Syndrome… the elevated cortisol. I was looking on the report and it says a normal person, at their highest level upon rising in the AM, is about 18 micrograms. This is the HIGHEST level. Mine is 46 micrograms, ALL THE TIME.

This in turn causes muscle wasting, fat storage in areas like the face (”moon face”), the abdomen, and the neck and high on your back. It causes hypertension and facial flushing. It causes weakened joints, tendons and muscles. It causes stretch marks to appear out of nowhere. Et cetera. Oh and it also says it causes depression and psychosis.

I think I’m weird but in a good way and certainly not depressed or psychotic. Although do psychos know they are psychotic? Hmmm…

Well, the point is, based on my tests so far, we have a direction to go in and I can start this road to getting rid of the uber-high cortisol levels and that in turn will fix my other problems.

Like my ribs breaking and my joints hurting.

I went to Wal-Mart this morning ’cause I feel alright so far and I bought some “old-man” type walking shoes with velcro and good cushioning. cause my feet are achy and sore every day and I’ve noticed my knees are starting to ache a lot which they never did before. And also for some reason my right calf muscle is sore as if I did calf raises or something but I didn’t. This is the type of soreness you get from working out. So I wonder what’s up with that?

Okay … so now for some fun stuff:

*Today is my son’s Thanksgiving party at DayCare and I’m planning on going. It’s in the afternoon so I should be well-rested by then. I sleep weird hours now and I usually take my muscle relaxer pill in the late afternoon… like 3 or 4 because by then I’ve been moving around too much (anything over 10 minutes and I start to get the stabbing pains in my back) and that either makes me really sleepy or puts me right out. I am trying really really hard to not let my pain make me a grouchy person to be around for my wife and son.

That is one thing on my mind is how much pain I am in but I try really hard to hide it around them and laugh and joke and tickle my son because I don’t want them to start avoiding me or anything. I think I’m doing a great job my wife and I spent the whole day together yesterday she went with me to our base hospital to pick up referral stuff and my medical history packet and then downtown to the bone scan people and then to lunch at Applebee’s and then back to bone scan and then pick up the boy. It was great.

My wife is so pretty and so generous and so giving. She’s been going to the gym lately after she drops our son off at daycare and I am so proud of her and I felt really bad she did not get to run yesterday because she was doing all my stuff with me but she told me not to worry about it, she’ll go “tomorrow” (today).

She is just the kindest, most wonderful person you can imagine and sometimes I do get upset like with the concert on Friday. But she really really really wants to go, it’s somebody she LOVES and it’s really the only artist she likes to go to her concerts. And she has done so much around her lately with me being almost incapacitated I feel like I can manage just this one night and give her the day to go over there and see her Rock Concert.

I told you this was gonna be long.

Okay so Project Runway. I know, I’m a dude but I seriously love that show. I don’t even know that much about fashion but my wife does and it’s one show where we sit there and both totally get into it and talk about it during the commercial breaks.

She knows who all these famous designers are like the one “guest judge” my wife was like “Oh my God… she does the most elegant, faaaabulous wedding dresses” and it made me laugh the way my wife said it like this chick was the second coming of Jesus, only designing wedding dresses instead of wine or something. You ladies certainly do get excited about your wedding dresses.

Well, we hate the Christian guy. The one with the lisp, the glasses and attitude. PLUS his outfit was so freaking fugly I could not believe how much the judges liked it. It looked like something you’d find at a senior citizens cast=off yard sale. Wow it was hideous. But they loved it so what do I know?

We hate that PISTOL girl. I think that was her name. She was irritating. Also the hippie moon goddess chick was annoying. Her dress looked so pretty in the front but that god-awful train she attached to the back, I mean what the hell was she ON? Shrooms?

My favorite honestly was that one black and white dress with mild blue accents. It was really pretty and simple. If you blinked you probably missed it. The grey dress that one didn’t do anything for me but I liked the sparkly silver babydoll dress the one guy did. I thought it was jazzy and great.

And that poor girl with the boring, crappily made dress… wow she was out of her league seriously. That looked like something I would try to cobble together in 15 minutes for a boyscout project. And she wanted to be a serious designer? Hmmm…

Alright well, that’s enough YIN. Tonight, bring on the testosterone and the YANG because it is LAST ONE STANDING on Discovery Channel. YES!

and now your joke for the day:

The trouble with military branches working together is a communication issue! For instance, you tell the Navy to “secure a building” and they will turn off all the lights and lock it up. The Army will bust down the doors, make sure there are no insurgents, and radio back to base. The Marine Corps is hella bad-ass, and they will bust through the freaking walls, take no prisoners, and position themselves outside to make sure the building remains secure!!!

The Air Force will take out a three year lease with an option to buy.

Aim High, Baby!

—Matt

The scale shows “147″ this morning. Gee, is that all it takes? I think I ate about 1400 calories yesterday. I guess when they say “diet is 90 percent” they aren’t kidding.

I had oatmeal and coffee for breakfast. A south beach cereal bar snack. A south beach wrap kit plus an apple for lunch. I had two bags of popcorn, a fudgesicle, and a wedge of cheese as snacks. And a salmon fillet with lots of veggies and salsa for dinner.

I was happy when they called me with their preliminary diagnosis of Cushing’s Syndrome, but it still means I have a lot to do. I have to see an off-base specialist and probably do more tests and they have to figure out WHY my body is producing too much cortisol.

Not to mention my ribs hurts. Blah blah blah I’m in pain, amigos.

But here is my TV report for yesterday. We watched SuperWhy until my son went to daycare. I watched old episodes of The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Those were pretty good. I’m a big liberal democrat so I love those shows.

Then I tried to watch a movie on HBO called Criminal with John C. Reilly but it wasn’t all that great.

Watched The Biggest Loser last night but I got a headache and ended up napping thru the last hour.

That’s something else I’ve noticed. My sleeping habit are all crazy. I find myself wide awake at 3 and 4 in the morning. But then trying to get comfortable and sleeping is a bitch. No matter how I try to sleep and where, I can’t get comfortable. So I only sleep in little naps of about an hour, any time of day.

So here is a joke to cheer you up from all the blues posted above:

Three men are sitting around in a bar discussing their marriages. The first guy says “yeah I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician because I found some electrical tape under our bed!”

The 2nd guy says “Oh yeah my wife is having an affair with a plumber … I found a Plunger under our bed!”

and the 3rd guy goes ” Well… I think my wife might be having an affair with a … horse!”

“A Horse!” The first two exclaim…

“Well, yeah… I found a jockey under our bed!”

Ba-dum-ching!

UGH… mornings are the worst. You’d think I’d feel great considering my body got to rest all night but that isn’t the case at all. I wake up so stiff and “sparkly”. Seriously, I don’t know how else to describe it. Most of the pain is near my neck and shoulder blades and then mid-back but then it radiates thru my entire body, to include my hands and legs and feet, which feel “buzzy” or “sparkly”.

UGH UGH UGH.

But I am up this morning because I have to go in to work to get on leave. I dread this whole thing. Dragging myself into the car and driving over there, the whole process of getting stuff signed off, et cetera. I am hoping to be back home by 8am at the latest and resume my position on the couch.

I mentioned to my wife I do not think I can watch The Boy by myself and she says that our friend might come over and help on Friday.

As far as diet goes, I did pretty good yesterday. It is really really hard to stick to planned snacks and meals when you have nothing to do besides watch TV and nap. But the scale says “149″ so that’s good.

As far as TV, I watched the SpongeBob marathon on Nick until my son and wife left for the friend’s house. I also watched “How Clean is Your House?” and “You Are What You Eat” on BBC America. Which I love. That Jillian is a trip. She is so mean to those people, but they really need it. And British people amuse me, “Lollies” and “Crisps” and “Chips” and all kinds of other words for foods and it is great. I wish America had a show like that, where it was about really tough love as far as obesity and eating is concerned.

Then in the afternoon I found myself watching a marathon of Project Runway Season 3, even though I knew who had won already. But I kept falling asleep. Season 4 begins on Wednesday.

I suppose today’s big TV thing will be The Biggest Loser, which comes on tonight.

I feel… really terrible right now. I can barely sleep so it’s like… um… did you ever see Fight Club where Edward Norton describes his life as an insomniac? That’s what I feel like. Like I’m just barely here… watching mindless TV and once in a while blogging…

oh well.

Maybe I’ll feel better later.

—Matt