Slimdude

Just some random thoughts for this Wednesday night:

*I’m loving the new Britney album. It’s almost too catchy for it’s own damn good. I love a great pop album and this certainly is it. There are at least ten radio-ready hits on it if not more.

*My son was in a terribly bratty mood today. We all went out to Po Folks for dinner. I’m not crazy about Po Folks and to tell you the truth, I really wanted my oatmeal for… well… it’s my breakfast but everyone else’s dinner… because it was about 6pm. But I went because being with my family is more important that my stupid oatmeal. But my son (who is almost two) was being so moody and whiny today. The final straw was at 8pm tonight I was willing to share my Vitalicious brownie with him. I had my brownie and some no-sugar added choc ice cream as my “snack” and he wanted to hold the spoon but I would not let him so he pitched a fit. His mother and I had had enough so he went to bed a half hour early. We were suprised he conked right out after we left the room. Guess the poor guy was just too tired today. But I am not going to be terrorized by a two year old, no matter how much I love the little dude.

*My work has been so supportive of me healing from this rib injury. They harrass me in fun about being “crippled” but they know I must be in a lot of pain with seven broken ribs. Their favorite joke is about my wife beating me. But my wife reports that if she had hit me with a bat, she would have made damn sure it was 9 ribs broken instead of just 7. Hahahaha. What a funny gal.

*I do have Squadron PC tonight, but all I do is ride the recumbent bike. To tell you the truth, the rib thing IS painful, especially the longer I am awake and moving around, but the lower back issues are what is really getting to me. It is a bitch to reach down for something or lift something as simple as a gallon of freaking milk and have your lower back painfully spasm. I really hate this. I feel like an invalid.

*I am sort of digging the new NBC show, Phenomenon. The one where spoon-bending sensation Uri Gellar and Mind Freek Cris Angel look for our next great magician slash illusionist.

*The Biggest Loser was rather uneventful this week. The product placement was decent, Jenn-O turkey. Never had it but it looks okay. The going green idea was kind of neat.

*I love having my Sister in Law here. The Boy adores her. It’s really weird that her husband has gone to stay on the other side of Florida because he wants to play golf with their Dad. He actually told my SiL that our home is “trashy”. I can’t believe that. Our home is very clean and it looks great! But I think it’s because we live in a “manufactured” home. He thinks it is beneath him to stay here. I am really stunned because I don’t run into many people with his mentality. I am always thinking about impoverished kids in Darfur or whatever, and most Americans I know have the same mindset… very charitable and non-judgemental. But this guy is way up into things like rims on cars and video games and all that. The more bling the better.

And what really pisses me off is the way he treats my SiL. My SiL and my wife are twins. And they are different personality-wise, but I love them both so much. And I think my SiL deserves to have someone who will adore her and take care of her and make her feel special the way I try to do with my wife. But he doesn’t. She completely dotes on him and he acts like he could not give two farts about anything she wants and it really makes me sad.

Oh well. Some women just put up with too much from assholes because they don’t think they deserve better. But they do.

We all do.

—Matt

P.S. In weight-related news, still no binges and the scale said “142″ today when I first got up at 3pm. I’m elated to be so damn close but on the other I think I’m probably dropping weight too fast. Maybe 1500 calories is a little too low. But then again, I’m so close I can start playing with “maintenance calories” soon enough…

I was just watching that BBC in America show, “You are What You Eat.” I love that show. I’m so glad we have Knowlogy Cable now, it is so much better than any other cable company we’ve ever had.

There is a bottle of pee in my fridge because of the “24-hour urine collection” test the hospital ordered. I can’t tell you how bizarre that is to have this big red bottle in there.

I did Gazelle 5 miles today and I see a few people stopped by to read my Blog from this morning. I’ve just been really happy with myself lately because I’ve been managing to get some exercise in and eat right. I have not had a binge in over a week now, and I’m super psyched about that.

My S-i-L is staying with us right now. She’s also in the AF and she just got back from a 6-month tour in Iraq. The job she does is one of the less dangerous jobs over there, but that relatively speaking. She was in more danger every day over there than I have been here in Florida, that’s for sure. It’s so nice having her stay with us but what is weird is her husband is “not comfortable” here so he has elected to stay in a Hotel in town.

They have a weird relationship. He’s kind of “stuck up” so part of the reason he won’t stay here is because we live in a manufactured home. I love my house. It’s not like a run-down redneck trailer. It’s a nice house. But he won’t stay here at all. He also doesn’t like any of her family.

Now, I have known my wife and her family for over ten years now. We met in high school and have been together ever since. We got married in 2001. I love my In-Laws very much. But my Brother-in-Law, the one we are talking about… he doesn’t really like them. He’s a weird guy to figure out. He seems kind of nice but he also is very insistent on having his way. They’ve been married two years now I think. He spends a lot of $$$ on clothes and gadgets, golf and massages. They make more than we do but it’s not like they are “rollin in the dough”.

Hmmm…

Anyway, I really liked the new Britney Spears album, although certain tracks sound like cast-offs from Timbalands’s “Shock Value” album. “Danja” is the name of one of Brit’s producers on this album, and he is a Timbaland protege, and it sounds it…

It’s very dancey in a mid-90s synth kind of way. “Radar” and “Heaven on Earth” really stick out so far. As a parent, I just hope she straightens up her act in that respect because she is missing out.

I love being a Dad.

—Matt

Well, I wrote this really long post earlier but now it’s gone. Don’t know how that happened. My back was so bad last night I used my “Day Off” from working weekend duty. It’s still pretty bad. I want to exercise so badly but I’m telling myself to take the week off.

Still… last night my wife told me, not in a mean way… but she said she has to start thinking of me as handicapped. And I was like “Well… this lower back problem is not the same thing as my other stuff…” but she had to do all the Boy stuff yesterday while I layed on the couch.

But I could not stand to hear that she thought of me as crippled in any way so today I was putting dishes away and I helped her with the grocery shopping and everything else.

I tried to stay up all night last night and watch TV and eat my normal meals and it worked out very well. Tatiana is right you have to be careful when you are just bored watching TV on the couch, you want to snack mindlessly. Believe me, the chips and dip and tiny candies from the weekend party were calling my name. But I resisted and just drank diet soda in between snacks and meals. I think I ate about 1300 calories.

Then this morning I could not fall asleep because I kept falling asleep on the couch last night. So I helped my wife take The Boy to school and then we ran errands that included grocery shopping. Her lower back is also hurting her in a minor way lately so I have been giving her lower back massages.

Okay this part is kind of private and all but it’s funny so I’m going to share. After our afternoon errands we took a bath together and then we were going to get “romatic” but both our backs were hurting and then it was too funny because we could not find any good position that did not hurt one or both of us, so we ended up laughing so much it just became “cuddle time” because the mood just changed so much.

Ahhh, it’s good to be married to someone that you can laugh like that with.

Anyway.

Tonight is the Biggest Loser. I am so used to exercising during the whole program it will be hard to just sit on the couch. I really hate this.

I tried some Capasizn or whatever it is called with the pepper in the balm… and it is horrible! It doesn’t work at all. It just makes your skin burn. And not in a soothing way like IcyHot or BenGay. It just BURNS so in addition to your muscle pain your skin is burning as well. And it’s hard to wash off so everything you touch also burns.

This weekend my wife’s Dad’s side is coming. We like her Dad and his wife. And we like her sister, who is just back from Iraq. But some of the people coming are very judgemental and very materialistic. My wife is anxious because our “new” home is a Manufactured Home. It’s not like we live in a run-down trailer, it’s a nice house. But my wife is so worried because it’s not all hardwood floors and fireplaces and plasma screen TVs.

We put our time and resources into each other, our family, our son, and my wife’s education and my Air Force career. Her family does not have kids or anything like what we have. Our values are completely different. We would spend our weekends volunteering or out at the park with our son.

They would spend it shopping for brand new clothes and  cars and stuff.

But she is worried. I love her so much. I hope she’ll be okay this weekend.

—Matt

WARNING : If you taped or TiVO-ed it for later, do NOT read this post because it will spoil it for you.

 That being said… thank you all for reading my below post and leaving supportive comments. It is mucho mucho appreciated!

Now I am feeling better mentally. Maybe not physically. But mentally I’m in a better place. I think seeing my wife and son all evening helped. My son was in a great mood for his bath time. My son barely says anything but he knows so many words because he’ll point to just about anything you can name and he’s started counting on his fingers.

But the boy just won’t talk. He just goes “uhn” and points to what he wants.

Oh well.

This afternoon before I had Blogged I had already done five miles on The Gazelle and then this evening I did TEN miles while watching TV. Now, listen up ya’ll! I know some of you think gliding along for ten miles is no big deal, and perhaps that is true for some folks. But for me it is a huge accomplishment because my stupid body is utterly failing me, it snaps and pops and groans and aches. I’m trying to increase my distances on the Gazelle because on Nov 2nd I’m gonna try and do 13.5 miles in a row and then on Nov 9th I’m going to try and complete a “marathon” on the Gazelle.

Anyway.

The Biggest Loser was absolutely insane tonight. The product endorsement of the evening was a little bit better. Rememeber a few weeks ago Bob plugged the 100-calorie snack packs? That was weird, because it’s still 100 calories of junk food. But I guess portion-controlled junk food is better than nothing. It’s a start. And we buy them, too.

Then last week Jillian whipped out that sugarless gum.

But the Weight Control oatmeal Bob had tonight is great. In fact, it’s what I had for breakfast today, mixed with some Lite N Fit yogurt and frozen fruit. They have three flavors and all of them are great and is very very fillinf because of the fiber and added whey protein, plus no added sugar. They flavor it with sucralose. Definitely consider picking some up. Mix one packet with some water and microwave for a minute and it is a great breakfast, or part of breakfast if you want to eat other things with it. I just wish they wouldn’t call it “Weight Control”. That seems so clinical and boring.

Okay well of course it made for great TV, but seriously… has Neil completely lost his mind? The entire blue team must be C R A Z Y because this show is supposed to be about getting healthy and losing weight, not nefarious plots and backstabbing!! Poor Jez even tried to divide up the teams fairly and what was his reward for his integrity? Being voted off! have they all lost their minds?

If I wanted this crap, I could watch “Survivor”!! But I don’t.

I would never ever ever sabotage somebody else’s chances to live a better life, and i really thought that aspect came first and all the competition would be healthy and friendly. It would be like if I was on a weight-loss team and I went to other teams’ blogs or forums and messed with them or left negative comments. I would never do that, even if I was competing against you, because the BIG PICTURE is you want everyone to succeed in their goals, and that goal for us BSers is WEIGHT LOSS and WEIGHT MAINTENANCE and GETTING FIT and HEALTHY.

Ridiculous and I was really really pissed off that Neil did not get his fat ass kicked off. Maybe that sounds harsh, but it is the way I felt.

I hope I am wrong and next week I find something to redeem Neil. But I’m not holding my breath.

—Matt

I am really sorry that this post is probably going to be a “downer” fellow BSers. I try so hard to be positive but I have just had a bad day, period.

I was feeling so great about everything, including weight loss… depending on when I weigh myself it’s around 146-150 and that is lower weight than I have had in over a year at least. It’s not quite to my goal, but hey… down from 172 in Jan ‘06 and down from 163 since I joined BuddySlim so I’m NOT knocking that.

Anyway, it’s become pretty obvious that I will never get to my goal weight and maintain it no matter how healthy I eat and how active I am if I can’t break the “binge” habit… or snack habit or however you want to put it. Plus, even if I could lose weight and binge like that… there are other factors besides weight loss… it is not good from a health and psychological standpoint to sit there and eat 1000s of calories in one massive go.

 So I was on sort of a good streak starting Saturday… well… yesterday (monday night) work was just insane. I work on Jets for the USAF and my job is to fix the computer systems on them. This requires a lot of physical work anyway. It’s a lot of walking around and carrying laptop computer and climbing up and down  the ladder over and over to work in the cockpit and hooking up massive power lines and hoses to the plane… anyway the point is, when I say I work on the computers and electronics… don’t think I am sitting on my butt all night. Sometimes I do if we don’t have any work.

But that is rare. Complicated jet fighters break a lot. And it’s my job to fix them. We only have about 8 people on MidShift. Dayshift has about 30 and SwingShift has 20. Nevertheless, we had a TON of jobs last night. Keep in mind that the Air Force almost always works in pairs in flightline maintenance. It’s part of our wingman concept and it’s just the way things are done. Two people work a job. And many jobs actually need two people (such as component replacement) because you need the hands and the help. But lately we’ve been working one to a job.

So first of all right there I’m doing this one job solo which means I am doing all that physical stuff myself. And as the night wears on, I could really start feeling my body giving out. Then I tried to push on a piece of equipment and something in the upper rib bone structure of my chest kind of popped. It doesn’t hurt too much but I can’t really put any weight on it.

I really think there is something wrong with me that I am falling apart like this. I feel like Mr. Glass in that movie “Unbreakable”… the Samuel L Jackson character.

On top of that, the computer system on the jet I was working was kicking my ass. I have been doing this for about two and a half years now and I was trying everything I could think of and I could NOT bring the Avionics “on-line” which means the jet could not fly. I worked on this for 8 hours straight and I barely even took a lunch break. Just enough to wolf down my salmon and veggies but they were good.

So here I am, sore body—popped chest— bad jet — and then after I came home and went to bed at about 8:30am… well at 9:30am I woke up with this weird massive frenzied urge to binge and I totally caved in. I ate about 1200 calories I estimate, which actually is a lot less than I can eat. When there is peanut butter in the house or ice cream I tend to eat those right out of the carton and I could easily rack up 5000-6000 calories in about ten minutes. Sounds bad but it’s true.

Anyway, here I am stuffing my face and I had just sat down with a Lean Pocket when I saw my wife pull up in the car outside and I was embarrassed about being up and eating so I was rushing to “hide” my hotpocket and I went into the bathroom in our master bedroom and I knew she would not come in there at all because she would think I was sleeping and my wife is so good about not waking me up during the day… she is such a sweetie… (okay that’s a positive thing right there!)…

sorry about this post being long, BSers… but bear with me!!!

And I dropped the plate and it broke. So here I am thinking “This is so ridiculous, a grown ass man hiding his worst habit and now I have to clean up this plate and I should have just drank some water or diet cola and gone back to bed!”

I really have to stop this.

Well I did fall back to sleep at about 10am, and when I got up at 3pm I decided not to beat myself up about it and just try to mitigate any damage. So I’m just gonna lower my calories a little to about 1200 today but still eat normally, about three hours apart.

And I will try and do the Gazelle for about 12 miles. So I’m essentially trying to burn off the binge from earlier in an easy , non-guilty way. One thing I have never done is throw up. I don’t know that I could do it but I could see how people get themselves into that situation.

Anyway my wife came home while I was Gazelle-ing and we talked and it was SO SO SO hard to admit to her but I told her about the incident with the plate this morning. She could always read this Blog she knows about it but I don’t think she ever does. So I told her and she was like “Oh, honey you know I never judge you for that…” and it’s true. She knows I struggle with my eating… she knows it bugs me that I gained all that weight and lost my abs. But she has never ever made me feel badly for it.

I think I am at least a little bit eating disordered because it does bug me so much that I used to be slim and have abs and everything and now I don’t and in the quest to get that back I seem to have developed this whole binge at night thing. But really I have tried everything and every little trick I have read and people have suggested and I admit it…

I am at the point to where suggestions from others bug me. I appreciate they are only trying to help but really what I need to do is break the habit and on nights when I really want to eat I should eat my celery or pickles and maybe a few sugar-free things. I have proven to myself over and over again that if I can get through that first urge, it goes away and even when I wake up for the day I’m usually not hungry.

I have a theory as to why this happens. I think that about an hour after I fall asleep, my body realizes it will have to dip into fat stores and it releases chemicals that say “NO NO NO! Keep your fat! Wake up and binge!” and that’s why I wake up with a feeding frenzy mindset. But once I ignore it… give myself some water to feel full or maybe some diet soda to satisfy the sweet tooth my body does start to metabolize fat and that causes the hunger to stop.

So : stressful work day plus a binge plus I had to call Medical a million times to leave a message so they will call me back with my lab results. And I bet you anything they don’t ever call me back. I am going to have to go over there I bet.

Okay as if that was not enough, my baby python died. I found him in his cage biting himself. I wrote that he finally ate the other day after a month. Well, I think it was too little too late and he was starving and could not metabolize the mouse fast enough. That is the only thing I can think of since, like I said… the position I found him in he was trying to eat himself it looked like.

And I know to some of you it probably sounds ridiculous but I really really liked the snake and I am very saddened that he died. I want another one but it doesn’t take away the sadness about him dying.

Oh well. At least I still have my wife, my son, television, The Gazelle.

Oh and hey The Biggest Loser comes on tonight and I love that show!

The rest of this week will be better.

I know it was a long post, and I know it was mostly a downer but thanks for reading BSers.

—Matt

Wow. I really think all this rain and humidity has affected my arthritis in a serious way. My whole body is just crackling and popping and painful. I am considering taking a second dose of Celebrex just to sleep comfortably tonight.

 Celebrex is the only drug that has any noticeable effect on my pain at all. I’m sure if I was on one of the “blue bottled” type drugs, they would work, too… those Lortabs and Percosets and whatnot… but I have avoided those. I am not using anything addictive. I have to deal with this pain for my life so it’s not a good idea to play around with addictive pain killers.

 The only downside is that Celebrex, like other drugs of it’s type such as ibuprofin… can cause stomach bleeding and ulcers when used over and over.

 You all know I am a huge movie and TV nut : well my new favorite Reality Show is “Last One Standing”. I watched half of the new episode last night and I plan on catching the rest of it on a re-run sometime soon. It airs on DISC Channel.

 Also today I saw the very last part of one of the movie’s from Grindhouse. You remember the Quentin Tarantino / Roberto Rodriguez double feature movie that came out this summer? Well, someone bought the DVD and had it at work and it was hilarious, the part that I saw with the chick with a gun on her leg shooting Zombies. I have gotta see that whole movie.

In other news : the house is great and my wife has been over-the-moon decorating it and making it look nice. She’s like every show HGTV airs all rolled into one. She’ll ask me “Don’t these decorative plates look nice hanging here?” Now I appreciate her efforts, but come on… I am a dude! I have trouble mustering enthusiasm for plates on the wall.

My python finally ate, I have to feed him live mice… that did the trick. The poor mouse but… oh well it was like watching the Nature Channel. MMM yummy.

This weekend my Mother In Law is going to watch The Boy while we go car shopping (for a minivan, I think). I would also like to see Elisabeth. Yeah I know I said I’m a dude and it does seem like a chick flick but I loved the first one ten years ago I bet this one is awesome, too.

I’d also like to see The Kingdom and Michael Clayton. Anyone see any good movies, doesn’t matter in the theater or on DVD, new or old, PLEASE let me know in the comments I am a movie and TV nut.

—Matt

I’m doing really really well as far as my diet and exercise and binge-ing and everything. More and more nights I either just drink diet soda and water or maybe have some gum. There are a few nights where maybe I’ll have some sugar free gelatin or even some celery and salsa. But I avoid the cookies and the ice cream and all that stuff and it is working wonders.

Okay now for some sad, bad news… today at work I tried to lift something I should have known was too heavy for me and it totally jacked my back up. Here I am trying to heal and deal and all that and there I go injuring myself to the EXTREME.

 But right this moment, I feel okay because I am sitting down and I took a muscle relaxer pill a bit ago. I forgot the name of it. But I know Robaxin and Flexeril don’t work for me so this is something new.

 This morning I did the SCULPT! routine from Power 90 and I took it easy because it was the first time I had done it in several weeks, so I was feeling good. Then later I did an hour of cardio at the gym and still felt great. But then I tried to lift that… ugh… I can’t believe I was so dumb.

 I hope this does not last.

I hope if I take it easy today I’ll be okay tomorrow but if not I’ll take it easy tomorrow too.

argh.

 oh hey. Tonight is The Biggest Loser. I love that show.

I didn’t sleep very well last night… I think I took a nap from about 7pm to 8:30pm, watched a little TV, then fell back asleep. Anyways… I got up at about 3:30am. I am on Dayshift this week. Perhaps tonight I will be so tired I will fall asleep easily at 8 or 9pm. But then again, I think I want to watch Monday Night Raw on cable.

 Yeah I kind of like “pro” wrestling. so what?

When I said I was going to try aND visit 10 BS Blogs per day, that wasn’t meant as a limit… that was a MINIMUM because usually I visit NONE. I’ve been so busy lately it just has not been a priority.

I’m feeling good and Gazelle-ing and doing my Leslie Sansone DVDs and this week I am going to do my strength and resistance training via Power 90 Sculpt! DVD and I’ll let you know how that goes.

Oh for you British folks and the ones who get BBC America on cable like I do now, have you ever seen the show “You Are What You Eat?” It is GREAT. Absolutely hilarious. That lady really pulls no punches.

—Matt

It is Friday evening and I am just feeling very “blah” and maybe even melancholy. I am trying to catch up on my sleep before heading over to my Mom’s tomorrow for the weekend. She is turning the big 5-0 this weekend.

I had a huge binge on Thursday and instead of feeling bad or anything about it, I decided to mitigate the damage by eating a lot less overnite and I worked out a lot. Now, I did not work out very intensely, but I did end up doing the 4-mile DVD plus I Gazelled 12 miles. That’s a total of 16 miles in one day, quite a feat but I decided to put all those carbs to good use!! I watched the movie “Beerfest” while I Gazelled and it was great.

But today I am taking off from any exercise and I’m just drinking a lot of water and diet soda and trying to rest because I just don’t feel good. My son is also sick he was throwing up all night my wife told me. He has not puked today but he doesn’t feel well he just lays on the couch with us watching cartoons.

I hope I start to feel better this weekend and I hope you all don’t let this post bum you out too much. My weight has been all over the place, from 151 to 155 so who knows what it is going to be in the morning. I feel like I’m so close to breaking that 150 thresh-hold but then I eat all that junk food.

Oh well. Such is life.

—Matt

Got home this morning and took some UniSom to get to bed. I slept from about 8am until about 2:30pm so that’s not too bad. My weight is stabalizing around 150-152  depending on when I weigh-in. I really think I’m going to break 150 by this weekend.

Oh but this morning I kept hearing the “siren’s call” to binge… at 10am I actually got up and poured out a bowl of cereal and then had a Hot Pocket going in the microwave… a “Lean Pocket” actually… and I could feel the usual frenzied urge inside my head and I knew it would never ever end at just those two things. So I poured the dry cereal back in the box and when the LP was done in the Microwave I just wrapped it up in aluminum foil and put it in the fridge. I drank a bottle of water and cracked open a Diet Rite and took a few sips on that… I calmed down and went back to bed.

A few hours later I was up again and the voices in my head (not literally, ya’ll) were telling me to eat that Lean Pocket and then work off the calories but I told myself, “No this is not about the calories, or the weight-loss… this is about ending this habit.” and again I went back to bed.

So I’m very happy with myself that I made it through yet another day and fought off a binge.

 In other news…

Job is going well these days. The planes have been doing very very well. My snake won’t eat. He is still a baby and supposed to eat every week or so. I’m still trying…

My wife is sick and I bet I catch whatever she has.

My son is well. And tonite is The Biggest Loser on NBC.

—Matt