Slimdude

Good day, BSers! Mentally, I feel okay. Physically, I feel at one of my all-time worst levels ever. Friday night… chasing him around coupled with lifting him into the crib… oh my god, my back feels like it is shattered into a million pieces. I have shooting pains down my leg and my knees and feet ache. It is times like these when I wish I had some Lortabs or some Darvocets that I could take and drift back to sleep. Even coming in here and sitting in this uncomfortable-ass office chair is work enough.  It hurts. I am in pain. Enuff said.

I felt really bad for my wife having to get home yesterday evening after that long car trip (6 hours…??) and the house was a disaster. I worked really hard Friday and Saturday to tend to our son, chasing him around and changing him and you just don’t realize how much work that is when you are in so much pain. But we did have a good time overall and I don’t regret my decision and I did not tell my wife about the lifting-him-into-the-crib thing because there is no point in making her feel guilty about it. I did what I did and I do not regret it. I’m sure if I just take it easy today and maybe tomorrow I’ll feel good again.

But I still felt badly that the house is in such dissarray and she will have to clean it all up AND she has to get ready for Thanksgiving on Thursday. But really, she keeps saying she is looking forward to it and for years she has always “done” Thanksgiving. Starting in ‘03 when we were stationed elsewhere and on thru this year she has always had at least a few guests and done the whole works. She really does get some kind of thrill out of it which I guess is good. For the most part, we are unconventional in that we hate to cook so we all 3 have different foods at our meals. We do eat together when we can, but we eat different things. The Boy usually like to eat his stuff in addition to sampling ours. We think he actually has a pretty good, varied diet. he loves yogurt so we give him that a lot. And he liked applesauce and he loves fruit. He’ll eat Bananas, Apples cut into pieces with the skin off, prunes, strawberries, peaches and pears. We try to give him sugar free stuff as much as possible, not really because of diet concerns, but just because sugar isn’t good for you. But the bad part is, all that sugar-free stuff has either Splenda or Aspartame in it. So I try and watch that, too. I really think overall it’s not that bad for you, but they just don’t know FOR SURE. It’s one thing to drink diet soda yourself and make that decision but when you are entrusted to monitor the safety and food of your baby, you wonder about feeding them too much sugar, too much fat or too many artificial sweetners.

 But yeah he also loves broccoli and carrots. I swear, it’s so funny to ask a two year old if he wants broccoli and he loves it. I’ve taken him to restaurants before and he’ll leave the chicken, mashed potatoes and whatever while chowing down on steamed broccoli. I hope he stays that way in the long term. And we’ve never had to put cheese on it or anything. He just eats steamed or microwaved soft broccoli.

 But you know, I think it’s about what we eat. It’s not like we eat perfectly. I have my stupid binges and my wife likes a cheeseburger now and again but mostly we do eat a good diet and he sees that and wants to copy us. He also sees we are the type of family who likes to be fit and stay active ( Well… at least Mommy is active these days) and he imitates that. Remember before I’ve often blogged about when I could work out he would copy me, doing push-ups and leg lifts and lifting his little 3 pound weights which I thought was adorable at the time and which now I think it is hilarious that my two year old lifts the same amount that I can comfortably.

sigh.

Okay well, TV-wise I got to see LAST ONE STANDING, which you know is my favorite TV show right now. And they had to wrestle in Senegal. This is like the 3rd wrestling challenge they’ve had. And I really sympathized with Ryko, Raiko, or however you spell it… he got injured and could not compete. Now I’ve never been a top level athelete, but I loved to work out and I cherished my high activity level. So it is very very very hard for me not to be depressed about how extremely immobile I have become these days.

I dream so much about working out, lifting weights, running and doing new DVDs, kickboxing, dancing, etc…. I mean not daydreaming, but like when I am asleep I will dream about this stuff and then wake up and my body will be aching and it is very hard not to feel depressed about it all.

I watch these shows on TV about renovating your house or starting a garden and I just marvel at how physical these activities are and how much I took it for granted before.

I guess my consolation is that… hopefully… hopefully… this is a condition I can come back from. I am working on getting the Cushing’s Syndrome treated and also healing my back and my ribs which are the side effect of Cushing’s. We think.  I hope.

I can’t even imagine having my physicality and mobility taken away from me permanently. It has made me ponder a lot. What if I were to become a parapalegic? A quadrapeligic? What if all of a sudden I could never do anything physical again? I’d have to completely redefine who I was. My wife would have to do everything for the family FOREVER. Not just for a few months! How would I deal with that guilt? That I had suddenly become this burden on us? Would I be able to find a way to provide for my family? Would I be able to keep my spirits high and be pleasant to be around?

The Mommy and Her Mommy (my wonderful mother in law) have taken the Boy to the PARK and then grocery shopping and of course I could not go. On days when I feel even slightly up to it, I force myself out and about. Am I in extreme pain? yes but I go anyway, convinced I will not let this prevent me from having a good time with my family.

But today I just cannot. So oh well. I will try to enjoy myself around here, read some Blogs and at 11:30am Animal House is coming on. So I’ll watch that and have some lunch. My wife is also going grocery shopping today and I think later they are going to our friend’s house. I don’t think I will go. I just dread the thought of me sitting there in pain but pretending I’m not and to make it worse they’ll notice anyway and ask me about it and then we’ll have to have a 20 minute conversation about how much pain I’m in but pretending not to be and Gee what a Great Guy I must be to have all this pain but here I am out with my family and friends anyway.

Hahaha okay that’s kind of bitter and sarcastic there.

But it’s okay. I will just sit on the couch and enjoy some TV this evening and by Thursday I’ll feel great and I will enjoy having friends and family over and maybe I will even do a short dance just for them.

Oh yeah as far as weight loss and diet I’m kind of in this weird phase. I keep trying to get back on the “diet”… I am trying to eat between 1200-1500 calories a day which I figure is a good level for trying to lose a few pounds while being virtually sedentary, but I still get up and have these minor binges which has lead me to a plateu of 150 pounds.

I blogged earlier about how I’m not too beaten up about it, I have other things to worry about. Still, it would be nice to get the last ten vanity pounds off finally before the end of the year. And if I did it while sitting on the couch most of the time that would be hilarious. 150 isn’t the end of the world, but more…

really it’s more about when I wake up at 10pm or midnight or 2am… and you know you have that slight hunger pangs… because your body is dipping into fat stores and it doesn’t want to!! Your body is programmed to keep you at a certain weight. So at midnight my body goes “Wait a minute, we LIKE being at 150 with a little belly here! Don’t burn the fat cells, Matt! Get up and eat some cereal, eat some pizza, eat a cookie!” And if I just had the will-power to say, “No, no… let’s have some water and a diet coke and see what’s on TV or on BuddySlim” then I’d be okay.

But so far this week… the only thing that has saved me from GAINING weight it the fact that I resume my diet IMMEDIETLY the next day and I don’t tell myself “Oh I blew it for the day, week, et cet….” and eat crap all day.

So yeah today I’m trying again for 1200 calories, give or take and hopefully tonight I can finally get back in that groove. Once I get going, it gets easier and easier. I had that one 11-day streak. That got me down to 143, remember? Mmmm so close, and yet…

Sorry I don’t have a good joke for today. Maybe tomorrow.

—Matt

Good morning, BSers. First of all, thanks “zamboni” for stopping by. Yes, I have seen Second Lions and it is pretty good. And I do take a “Joint Supplement” which is MSM plus Glucosamine.

Last night… I don’t know what happened to me and all sensibility I had but I just ATE and ATE and ATE at about midnight. I had several rolls dipped in syrup, I had cookies, I had oatmeal, I had waffles, I had every little carb my body does not need and I’m not even sure why because even if I was hungry I surely ate past the feeling of being satisfied.

It is upsetting because I know I was having a great week. At one point I was down to about 147 and now I am not sure if I will even be able to “break even” when I step on that scale tomorrow morning.

Nevertheless… I go on with a positive attitude, and some new challenges. I have decided to start a “No Eating / Snacking / Bingeing @ Night Challenge” on the forums. I think I may have started one before but abandoned it. If I can find it again I’ll just bump it up. I think there may already be a No Binge-ing challenge going and if so, I’ll just jump on that.

Our Thanksgiving Walking Challenge is going really well… I think I will be around 240 miles now. I think I will hit 300 before Halloween. I have decided to do a “Gazelle-A-Thon” and before that, a “mini” version. They will be 15 miles and 27 miles, respectively.

 I am going to do the Mini version on Friday night, November the 2nd. I will start at 8:30pm and give myself 4.5 hours to complete it. Then on Nov 9th I will try and do 27 miles on The Gazelle. It’s not going to be easy by any means.

Anyway, because of last night… my plan is for a little “compensation”… today I already did 6 miles on The Gazelle, and I will try to eat about 1000 calories in the course of the day. Sunday I’ll do another 4-10 miles on The Gazelle and eat about 1200 calories and then I start GraveYard Shift again and I’ll give myself about 600 calories to start off with.

But really I want to stop all this binge-ing all the time. On a normal day, I eat around 1600 calories and I feel fine, even if I exercise and I am active. I wake up at night (or in the late morning when I’m on Grave Yard Shift) and just have this urgent voice in my head for CaRBS! and FATS! but if I just get some water and some diet soda… and wait it out or get back to bed I am fine.

It’s not real hunger.

It’s all mind games.

—Matt

Wow. I really think all this rain and humidity has affected my arthritis in a serious way. My whole body is just crackling and popping and painful. I am considering taking a second dose of Celebrex just to sleep comfortably tonight.

 Celebrex is the only drug that has any noticeable effect on my pain at all. I’m sure if I was on one of the “blue bottled” type drugs, they would work, too… those Lortabs and Percosets and whatnot… but I have avoided those. I am not using anything addictive. I have to deal with this pain for my life so it’s not a good idea to play around with addictive pain killers.

 The only downside is that Celebrex, like other drugs of it’s type such as ibuprofin… can cause stomach bleeding and ulcers when used over and over.

 You all know I am a huge movie and TV nut : well my new favorite Reality Show is “Last One Standing”. I watched half of the new episode last night and I plan on catching the rest of it on a re-run sometime soon. It airs on DISC Channel.

 Also today I saw the very last part of one of the movie’s from Grindhouse. You remember the Quentin Tarantino / Roberto Rodriguez double feature movie that came out this summer? Well, someone bought the DVD and had it at work and it was hilarious, the part that I saw with the chick with a gun on her leg shooting Zombies. I have gotta see that whole movie.

In other news : the house is great and my wife has been over-the-moon decorating it and making it look nice. She’s like every show HGTV airs all rolled into one. She’ll ask me “Don’t these decorative plates look nice hanging here?” Now I appreciate her efforts, but come on… I am a dude! I have trouble mustering enthusiasm for plates on the wall.

My python finally ate, I have to feed him live mice… that did the trick. The poor mouse but… oh well it was like watching the Nature Channel. MMM yummy.

This weekend my Mother In Law is going to watch The Boy while we go car shopping (for a minivan, I think). I would also like to see Elisabeth. Yeah I know I said I’m a dude and it does seem like a chick flick but I loved the first one ten years ago I bet this one is awesome, too.

I’d also like to see The Kingdom and Michael Clayton. Anyone see any good movies, doesn’t matter in the theater or on DVD, new or old, PLEASE let me know in the comments I am a movie and TV nut.

—Matt

…do you know where your children are?

They actually say that on the News here. Well. My little boy is fast asleep in his bed and his Daddy is sitting here writing yet another Blog Post. As an UpDate to the below post, I did clean up the kitchen and I did fold laundry and put that away. yay for me, domestic god of the century. Sometimes I do wonder, though… if it wouldn’t be awesome if I was a Stay At Home Dad and took care of the Boy and the House… but I really do enjoy fixing the planes.

It honestly gives me great satisfaction knowing that everytime I fix something on these planes it helps serve the U.S. Military mission and that, in turn, helps keep us free.

Now, whether I agree about how our leaders use the military in terms of Iraq, Afghanistan, etc… that is a different story. If you think everybody in the military in a Republican Warhawk, I’m here to tell you it isn’t true. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than the notion of having someone like Fred Thompson or Giuliani running our country for four years.

Hmmm… perhaps a Policial Blog Post will be in the works for the future???

My son and I watched “The Goofy Movie” and I was thinking “Wow, that is us in 13 years right there…”  — If you have never seen this movie, Goofy is an over-affectionate father who constantly embarrasses his teenage son, Max. I am just like Goofy in my fathering. I believe in telling my son often how much I love him, I kiss him and I hold him and I’m just an overboard big softie Dad. I’m not one of those reserved, “My-Dad-Never-Said-He-Loved-Me” types.

My son is not even two yet and I do often wonder if I will be a constant source of embarrassment to him later on.

Highly likely.

Then we watched a Mickey Mouse movie and I could barely keep my eyes open. I don’t like being that tired when I am watching my son, but fortunately he was sitting in my arms with me on the couch so if he wanted to get down and play or anything it would wake me up.

Mommie got home at about 7:30pm and as soon as she walked in the door I let her take over and she gave him  a bath I think and put him to bed I don’t know because I fell asleep so hard until just now.

Well I think she went to bed and I’m going to bed and I’ll see you all in the morning with my weekly weigh-in. If I get the Urge to Eat tonight I’ll try and read some other BS blogs to distract myself.

—Matt

I’m a person who gets up pretty early in the morning. For many many years 4am-5am is my wake up time. It has worked out very well for me because the Military often calls on you to keep those early hours, no matter what your job is. I’m not one of those “Roll out of bed at noon” people. Still…

I admit there are many many mornings when I look at my watch or hear my alarm and I cannot believe it is already 4am. I just really want to roll back over and get some more rest. And to be honest, every once in a while I do. But that’s mostly reserved for Sundays. I usually try to motivate myself and get out of bed. It’s gotten even worse this past year after all my pain issues developed.

Oh, that stuff. It is really kind of funny in a way because I believe probably every person on earth has to deal with SOME KIND of issue or another. Maybe you are like Ash and you struggle with your weight and your wife has MS. Or maybe you have cancer or maybe you take care of someone with cancer. Maybe you have one leg or glaucoma. Who knows? I guess my lot in life was to have arthritis that affects my neck and back and shoulders and feet… so far. But the drugs help a bit. And so does moderate exercise once I get going.

I tell myself “I am Rocky Balboa!” even though I’m not, I still kind of hum that Survivor tune, “Eye of the Tiger”… lately I’ve been very into the dancey hip hop music they play on the radio, like P.Diddy’s “Last Nite”, Timbaland’s “The Way I Are” and Kanye West’s “Stronger”.

I am really struggling with the eating at night thing, folks… and to be completely honest, I don’t think I’ve had one night YET in MONTHS when I have not at least nibbled on something if not outright gorged. But I’m hoping I can start “fresh” today, eat right and exercise… if I put in two good days then when we do our weigh-in on Sat I might be 159.

I’d like to lose an average of two pounds per week and this would put me right on-time to be 140 by Nov 3rd. If I lose a little more on some weeks, then great. But I’m only going to look for a loss of two pounds average.

In other news… I saw SuperBad yesterday and it is SuperFunny but be forewarned : there is mucho mucho cussing and vulgarities so if you are the type that is easily offended, skip it.

Also our broker called and everything is good to go with our house! We should be able to close within this next week or so… and then we will start moving in Sept. I am psyched. Our very first home!

—Matt

Howdy BuddySlimmers!

I hope this morning finds you all in good spirits. If not, I want to encourage you to think of something to look forward to. They say that to make yourself start feeling good, try and think of someone to love, someone who loves you, or something good to look forward to. Even if it’s just a Diet Coke break. Perhaps you have a rewarding job or a great little tot at home who loves you.

Anyway. If you are new to BuddySlim, congrats on making a step in the right direction. Even if you failed 1000 times before, you never really “fail” to lose weight and shape up until you stop trying. The fact that you are here now reading this is proof that you have NOT given up and you are willing to change your life for the better. Hooray, you!

Okay now back to me. I have the day off today to make up for the fact that I worked last weekend. I did peek at the scale and it is still holding at “159″ despite some dietary slip-ups this week. So I am psyched that it will probably be that weight or maybe a tad lower on Sunday morning, which is what I use as my “Official” weight for the week. That means in my first week on BuddySlim I will have lost 4 pounds, maybe 5… so I’m happy.

I do expect to see that number slow to maybe 2 pounds per week as my body adjusts, but for now I’m not complaining at all. I’ve been eating about 1400-1500 calories during the day… sometimes I am slipping and snacking at night which adds anywhere from 200-2000 calories but even then I suppose I am so active that I am burning it back off. I guess Jet maintenance is more active than I thought when it comes to calorie burning. Did you know I read a 150 person burns about 200 calories per hour just driving a CAR? That is so crazy.

So yeah today I’m gonna stick to my diet and walk 4 or 5 miles this morning plus whatever walking I do today… but I am off work so it might be a Less Active day. In The Morning I have my appointment with the Spine Doctor (finally) and I am super-psyched about that because I want my neck and back FIXED!! Then in the afternoon my wife is also off work so I am going to see what cheap movies are playing… or maybe we’ll go to Blockbuster and rent a movie. I dunno yet.

After finding out I made the Staff Sgt. list for next year I have been pretty happy. I don’t officially put on the rank until July or Aug next year, but … I don’t know… it’s a big deal to me because it was my first time testing for it. It feels weird because there are so many people who didn’t make it, and some of them were Senior Airmen when I got to the unit, and now I’m going to outrank them. I passed them by. That is a weird feeling. But I studied, I love the Air Force, and I deserve it.

Later all!

—Matt

Well, my wife decided to take me to the cheap movies at the Mall. We went to see Steve Carell in “Evan Almighty”. It was really really good, I thought. Much better than Bruce Almighty. We always sneak in our own snacks and drinks. I hate paying them for stuff that is bad for you anyway. Like Movie Popcorn is a bazillion calories right off the bat because of the sludge they pop it in… and that’s not even counting the “butter.” So there.

But yeah, the movie was good. A combo of “Dr. Doolittle” and “Field of Dreams” and “The Ten Commandments”.

Then we went to Target. I really like Target. But I always go back there in the stupid mens clothes sections and they have all those huge posters and pictures of all the dudes who are slim like I used to be but I’m not right now and it always kind of makes me sad. And looking around at all the people… I don’t want to make anyone feel bad but we in America really are losing the weight loss battle aren’t we?

Everybody I saw, men and women, kids and adults… we are all at least Chubby if not outright overweight. But you reading this blog right now, be proud and happy! Because you and I have decided to do something about it, haven’t we? I am not happy with my extra little 20 pounds. I do not like having my “belly”. And you don’t like your extra weight. Whether it be 20 pounds, or 50 pounds, or more than a hundred. Who cares how much it is? The point is, we are CHANGING THINGS aren’t we? Hell to the yes, we are.

My wife is making pasta tonight. She is using a low-calorie marinara sauce, whole grain pasta, and lean ground turkey. I will probably take about a cup and mix it with a huge bowl of mixed frozen (obviously cooked) vegetables. I don’t stack my plate with pasta. I try to think of Veggies as the main course of dinner and then everything else is a “side” or a garnish.

And of course I will pass on the bread.

My wife looked absolutely gorgeous today. My wife does not have a weight problem at all. She weighs around 125 and she eats whatever she wants in small portions. She really is someone who can have just a “handful of chips” or a “few cookies”. I admire her eating habits but I can’t emulate them. I have to have my portion control built in and I also like to eat more veggies and fruits than she does. I guess, if you think about it… I don’t really have a “weight problem” either. I only weigh 163, as of this morning. It’s just that I felt so much better when I was 20 pounds lighter. Dream weight territory. We all have it.

So. Let me tell you how I met my wife. More than 10 years ago I met her in 9th grade, and we started “kind-of”dating in 10th grade. By 12 th grade, we were exclusively in love and we called each other our Soulmates. Then my wife decided to join the U.S. Navy and she went to Illinois for boot camp and Pensacola for Technical School. After about 6 months, she got stationed to shore duty in CO and she asked me to move there with her. I did and then she got orders to Japan in 2001 and we got married.

We have had a lot of fun. She got out of the Navy in 2004 and I joined the U.S. Air Force and now I am stationed in Florida. We had our little boy in January 2006 and things are still overwhelmingly great on most days. But we both have our “Issues”… and combined with the moderate stresses of life, we decided to attend Marriage Counseling. We’ve been going about a month, and it has been great. A commenter asked if my wife would mind me writing about that on here… but when we first started going I asked if she would mind if I told people and she said she did not mind. We are pretty open about the fact that people should do what is required to improve their lives.

Hopefully this blog will serve as more than just help to me. Hopefully it will help me, yes… but maybe it will also inspire other people out there. Maybe men and women trying to lose weight will enjoy the things that I write.

Many thanks to my Mother In Law who lives in town and is nice enough to watch our son while my wife and I go to the movies.

After all these years, I think my favorite thing in the world is spending time with my wife. Whether that be going on a date or watching TV at night. I don’t think even my wife realizes how much it means to me when she watches TV right beside me and we comment on the shows together. I’ve told her many many times. Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Tomorrow is back to the old grind.

—Matt