Slimdude

Good morning, BSers and Welcome to The Couch Potato Diaries, Day Numero Uno.

These next 35 days, — that’s five weeks — will be dedicated to me healing as much as possible from the recent injuries I have suffered. That is to say, seven— count ‘em, SEVEN— fractured ribs. That’s one up front and six in the back. And by the way, why do people keep asking me if they are “broken… or fractured…?” because from everything I can tell on the Internet, it means the same thing. A fracture is a break. I learned that in Boy Scouts.

So this Blog is where I will bring to you all my random thoughtedness from my couch and from the world of Cable Television, mindless vapid hole that it is, but which I am addicted to.

At the same time, here is my struggle to keep on losing weight. Even though my activity level will have to be low-low-low, as far as I can tell, keeping my calories between 1200-1500 per day should still result in weight loss.

I have binged for 3 nights straight, let;s get that confession right out of the way right now. You’d think I’d be all like “Damn… I was so close to 140 and now here I am back up near 150… 149.5 to be exact…” but I’m not at all.

I’m very positive and motivated that I can still lose about 2 pounds per week and by the time 5 weeks have passed I betcha I am at my goal weight of 140. I’m just gonna keep on doing my three-hour meal and snack timing, lean proteins, good carbs, fruits veggies et cetera,… you guys know the drill.

My little goal this week will be to clock in at 148 by Sunday. Easy!

I am in a little bit of back and leg pain this morning but I decided to get on up and take a shower and shave my grizzly-adams looking face and put on a little bit of old spice. If I’m going to lay around all day in pain I can at least make an effort to look and smell decent, right?

Hey I’m so excited my wife has decided she wants to be a Nurse! She is so motivated. My wife is way way way smarter than me and she likes school more than I do. It’s not like she LOOOOOVES it, ya know, but she does it anyway. Right now she is in a few classes just to get her… regular degree? But starting in January she is going to go full time in classes that go towards nursing. I think she would be a fantastic nurse and the rate at which I am going God knows I’m going to need a great nurse around.

Okay well now I have made a vow to myself to visit AT LEAST ten other BS blogs a day, if not more and leave motivational comments if I can think of some good ones. You all have been so good to me, I need to return the favor.

I’ll probably be back later but who knows WHAT the day will bring? It’s early yet.

—Matt

Just some random thoughts for this Wednesday night:

*I’m loving the new Britney album. It’s almost too catchy for it’s own damn good. I love a great pop album and this certainly is it. There are at least ten radio-ready hits on it if not more.

*My son was in a terribly bratty mood today. We all went out to Po Folks for dinner. I’m not crazy about Po Folks and to tell you the truth, I really wanted my oatmeal for… well… it’s my breakfast but everyone else’s dinner… because it was about 6pm. But I went because being with my family is more important that my stupid oatmeal. But my son (who is almost two) was being so moody and whiny today. The final straw was at 8pm tonight I was willing to share my Vitalicious brownie with him. I had my brownie and some no-sugar added choc ice cream as my “snack” and he wanted to hold the spoon but I would not let him so he pitched a fit. His mother and I had had enough so he went to bed a half hour early. We were suprised he conked right out after we left the room. Guess the poor guy was just too tired today. But I am not going to be terrorized by a two year old, no matter how much I love the little dude.

*My work has been so supportive of me healing from this rib injury. They harrass me in fun about being “crippled” but they know I must be in a lot of pain with seven broken ribs. Their favorite joke is about my wife beating me. But my wife reports that if she had hit me with a bat, she would have made damn sure it was 9 ribs broken instead of just 7. Hahahaha. What a funny gal.

*I do have Squadron PC tonight, but all I do is ride the recumbent bike. To tell you the truth, the rib thing IS painful, especially the longer I am awake and moving around, but the lower back issues are what is really getting to me. It is a bitch to reach down for something or lift something as simple as a gallon of freaking milk and have your lower back painfully spasm. I really hate this. I feel like an invalid.

*I am sort of digging the new NBC show, Phenomenon. The one where spoon-bending sensation Uri Gellar and Mind Freek Cris Angel look for our next great magician slash illusionist.

*The Biggest Loser was rather uneventful this week. The product placement was decent, Jenn-O turkey. Never had it but it looks okay. The going green idea was kind of neat.

*I love having my Sister in Law here. The Boy adores her. It’s really weird that her husband has gone to stay on the other side of Florida because he wants to play golf with their Dad. He actually told my SiL that our home is “trashy”. I can’t believe that. Our home is very clean and it looks great! But I think it’s because we live in a “manufactured” home. He thinks it is beneath him to stay here. I am really stunned because I don’t run into many people with his mentality. I am always thinking about impoverished kids in Darfur or whatever, and most Americans I know have the same mindset… very charitable and non-judgemental. But this guy is way up into things like rims on cars and video games and all that. The more bling the better.

And what really pisses me off is the way he treats my SiL. My SiL and my wife are twins. And they are different personality-wise, but I love them both so much. And I think my SiL deserves to have someone who will adore her and take care of her and make her feel special the way I try to do with my wife. But he doesn’t. She completely dotes on him and he acts like he could not give two farts about anything she wants and it really makes me sad.

Oh well. Some women just put up with too much from assholes because they don’t think they deserve better. But they do.

We all do.

—Matt

P.S. In weight-related news, still no binges and the scale said “142″ today when I first got up at 3pm. I’m elated to be so damn close but on the other I think I’m probably dropping weight too fast. Maybe 1500 calories is a little too low. But then again, I’m so close I can start playing with “maintenance calories” soon enough…

I thought maybe I would take a moment to explain why there are always junk type stuff stuff in the house. Yes, it is true that my wife tries to eat healthy. But at the same time, she loves to bake and make sweets. She also buys more junk food than I do. I would never buy bags of chips and Doritos and stuff but she does.

Believe me, we’ve been down this road and discussed the whole thing and basically it came down to “I am a grown man and I have to control what I eat, regardless of what is in the house.”

It is frustrating, I won’t lie. I feel like if I was an alchoholic or a smoker my wife would take it seriously and not have booze and cigs lying around, but with food people think it’s different. My wife is the type of person who can buy a whole box of OREOs and literally eat one or two. And then  the whole thing just sits there for a week, taunting me…

So anyway, yes… we’ve had our issues and she knows it is hard for me but I think she underestimates how hard it is. But usually when we bake stuff like brownies and cakes she lets me take them all to work.

My wife has a lot of self-esteem and guilt issues and I love her so so so much I’d rather not have her think that she contributes to my weight struggle in any way. So that’s pretty much THAT whole situation.

She will not support me in losing weight and I do not ask her to anymore because she gets very upset at even the notion that she could be contributing…

In brighter news, I ordered one of those little “Mini-Pedal” bike things from Amazon.com. You know, the type that you can put anywhere and just peddle away the calories with your feet or arms. I got the one with the highest user rating versus price, it was about 35 bucks. Because…

Okay like today my back is killing me, there is NO WAY I am going to Gazelle or walk. But if I had that I could at least pedal and stay active while watching TV (or Blogging!).

I have some Vitalicious Chocolate Muffins in the oven. If you don’t know about Vitalicious, you have GOT to try them. Basically they are “healthy” brownies. In so many flavors, you can buy them pre=packaged or in the mix and bake them up yourself. Take my word for it, they are delicious and they come packed with protein and fiber and only 100 calories per muffin. I like mine with a squirt of fat free Reddi Whip or some Fat Free Cool Whip frozen, I swear it’s like you are eating ice cream and cake but you’re only eating like 140 calories, plus all that protein and fiber. It is one “cheat” that’s not cheating at all but you will feel like it is.

Their website is www.vitalicious.com

I swear, one Chocolate VitaMuffin + Scoop of frozen fat free cool whip + some fat free reddi whip on top = no guilt cake and ice cream.

—Matt

P.S. stepped on the scale today and it said “143.5″. Oh Mr. Scale you are too kind, my friend.

HOWDY BUDDYSLIMMERS!! Hope you are all wide awake and ready to go in a great mood on this Monday morning. Did you catch an extra hour of sleep yesterday?

 Some of you are just beginning your “get healthy” BuddySlim journeys. You are on “Day One” because it is Monday.

For some of you, this may be the very first time you’ve ever embarked on weight-loss and you don’t know where to start. For some of you, perhaps you are considering starting a Get Healthy / Lose Weight Plan that starts soon.

 For many many of you, this is the umpteenth time you have “started over”.

Well, let me tell you all, I am proud of all of you and thanks for even making the effort to get an Account at BuddySlim and stop by my Blog. The guy who created this site, Dr. Marc— he’s done a great job! And the people on here are terrific, too! Lots of interesting folks abound and plenty of motivation and support.

I began my weight-loss journey in  2006 when I reached an all-time high of 172 pounds. For a small-framed military man like myself, it was way way too much. I learned how to eat better foods like lean proteins, whole grains, fruits and veggies and when it comes to “cheating” I always find a way to “cheat right”… i.e. sugar free desserts, low-cal desserts, and Lean Cuisine pizza.

I don’t believe in depravation, but I believe in eating smart all the time. We must win this war with our weight and self-image one day at a time, one moment at a time.

I lost the first ten pounds pretty easily, and I started incorporating more exercise and more portion control and when I joined BuddySlim I weighed 163 pounds.

I’m down to 145 this past Sunday and my goal is 140.

No matter what your obstacles are as far as food, family, time, et cetera… you can do this!!

 Take baby steps!

Some small steps to consider for today:

*Try to drink 8 glasses of water*Switch from Regular Soda to Diet Soda*Have a Healthy Salad for lunch (no croutons or ranch dressing!)*Walk for at least 15 minutes*get up from your desk and do some pushups, crunches or lunges*Start writing down what you are eating (many people have no idea how many calories they consume verses how many they burn) * Surf the Net, including BuddySlim.com for motivation and ideas. Other great sites include:

www.hungrygirl.org

www.fitday.com

www.thedailyplate.com

www.caloriecounter.com

and so many many more! You know how to use the Google search engine, right?

Anyway, be proud of yourself for making the commitment to be here, or making the commitment to STAY here, with all of us BuddySlimmers. We’ll definitely help you out when you need us!

—Matt

Yeah I changed my avatar again… it’s still David Beckham, but isn’t it cool? He’s all smiley faced, just like me. Last night I went back to bed after writing the below post and I did not binge or snack or anything. Just some water and that Coke Zero.

 So this morning I was in a good mood and woke up a little early and the scale says I am now “145″ pounds. That is only 5 pounds away from my goal. I do not expect to have an 8 pound loss this week. So I am setting a modest goal of 2 more pounds… by next Sunday I will be 143 pounds. And my reward for losing two pounds and CONTINUING my “no-binge / no nite snacking” streak (which is now officially on DAY SEVEN, HURRAY!) will be a dual magazine subscription to DETAILS and GQ. On one hand, I enjoy these two mags a lot. On the other, they do the same thing to my psyche that I’m sure women’s magazines do to women.

 I see the ultra-thin dudes in there and I’m convinced that’s what I have to look like. I know a lot of women have the same issues. The good thing is, with me… if I diet and exercise I can come pretty close. I can’t get all big and huge like Arnold or Sly Stallone but I do a good job of being lean and having abs and everything.

But it has certainly taken work. I’m never gonna sit here and say “Oh I don’t diet. I don’t workout.”

What bullcrap. I hate it when celebrities say that. They are lying their ass off. They do “diet”. Just see Dr. Marc’s current Blog post about Mel B. “Scary Spice”. The stars eat right and they exercise. And what that can’t accomplish they make up for with makeup and hair teams and then airbrushing.

Nobody’s perfect. That’s why it helps to have other areas of focus.  Yes, it is nice when I have abs and a tan and I can fit into size 30 jeans… but I also have planes to fix and a family to take care of.

I did reward myself with the new Britney album. I’m very into dance music. Believe me, I take a lot of flak for it but I’m unapologetic about it. I love Rihanna and Ciara and Madonna and all that uber-flaming “gay” dance music.

So far I’m on the 4th or 5th song and it is really really good. I downloaded it from iTunes, which has the most complicated user interface, I swear. That’s why I’ll never switch to Apple from Microsoft. I can fix computer systems on multi-million dollar warplanes but I can’t master iTunes.

Go figure.

Time for some BlogSurfing.

—Matt

So fellow BuddySlimmers, I come to you with a surprisingly optimistic attitude and goals and ideas this Sunday morning.

I did NOT in fact, resist tempations this weekend. I tried valiantly. I made it until about midnight and then I had a veritable feast with all the goodies in the house.

So my “official” weigh-in this morning put me back at 153 pounds and I updated my weight tracker accordingly.

Now, you’d think that would put me in a miserable mood, right?! Well… you would be wrong! Those days of beating myself up are long gone.

Instead, I realized that most of that weight is “stuff in the tummy” weight, anyway, and I really weigh more like 150 still. And I started this whole BS thing at 163 pounds so I’m still rocking on!

Nevertheless, I am not where I want to be yet. I’d much rather be swaying a few pounds around 140 than 150. So I’ve decided to initiate

“The LAST 15 Pounds!” challenge to myself. I know, I know… I’m always setting these goals and time-lines and trying to get these last few vanity pounds off and trying to stop binge eating and what-not. But slowly but surely I am getting there, okay?

Anyway. I’m setting my sights for FIVE WEEKS. So my new “goal weight” date is December 2nd and I have the same “over-all” goal of buying myself a Nintendo Wii if I make it.

In fact, I’m going to give myself a small reward every week that I make my goal weight. This first week I want to lose 3 pounds… putting me at 150 by next Sunday. I will NOT step on that scale until next Sunday morning.  If I get my weight goal, I will buy a new music album… probably Britney Spears’ new one.

Then for the next four weeks, I’ll adjust my goal weights to probably 2.5 pounds per week. It’s a little aggressive, and mathematically it means a calorie defecit of a little more than 10,000 calories per week. But I can do it. I’m going to work hard but treat myself right and get this “Final 13″ pounds of vanity weight off and have my flat belly back.

Five weeks!

I wrote down all my planned workouts this week. It’s a lot of Gazelle-ing and walking and then three circuit weight / resistance routines. I always put those off. You know. Push-Ups and Sit-Ups and Crunches and Biceps Curls. All that. But I swear I’m going to do it three times this week no matter how much of a struggle it is.

Because if  don’t do the resistance part, I’m just gonna end up looking like those “skinny fat guys” … well, I guess I kind of already do, and that’s the problem. Not enough weight training.

Okay. Anybody else out there wanna hunker down with me and lose that last little bit? That Last 15?

—Matt

Good morning, BSers. Two posts ago I blogged about how frustrated I was with my Chronic Pain issues and how so many of my dreams might be slipping away. But as I read my own post, I became sort of inspired.

I am now determined that, no matter what, I will push through these issues and get things done. I will live my life bravely and positively and I have even decided that I will be able to come off my “waivers” and be able to run and jog and do push-ups and sit-ups. I am going to work at it.

 For instance, even though this morning I feel about as mobile as the Tin Man on the Wizard of Oz, I am going to clean up the kitchen and then I am going to have myself a little “less-than-macho” dance party with Leslie Sansone.

I have to work today. I hope I am off tomorrow. Tonight is our Halloween Party and you should see all the treats my wife has made. Our kitchen literally looks like a bakery. There are cookies and muffins and brownies and cupcakes and all kinds of stuff laid out everywhere. It is going to be hard but I think I can resist.

One musical artist I really like is Bjork. She’s an aquired taste, if you’re not too familiar with her music. Probably her most “commercially accessable” album is “Post” or perhaps “Homogenic” but lately they’ve been really bizarre. I didn’t even buy “Volta” which came out earlier this year and had the Timbaland collaboration “Space Intruders” on it.

But she has this song from way back called “One Day” where the lyrics are kind of cryptic but basically… that’s how I’m feeling right now and I’ll explain.

I’m fairly tired after coming off a week of working Graveyard shift. My left shoulder and chest area are extremely sore and so is my left foot. I did not get home and get to bed until almost 10:30am today and I had intended to wake up at 1:30pm in order to go to my son’s class Halloween party. But then I woke up almost immediately at 11am with this urge to binge and … for a second I had a conscious thought of trying to fight it… but then I gave in and had some pizza, two bowls of cereal, 6 cookies, a few bowls of pudding mixed with sweet potato filling (which was delicious, by the way) some ice cream sandwiches, a lean pocket and probably more stuff I cannot even recall.

All this was while watching “Work Out!” with that hot lesbian trainer on Bravo! talk about your irony there. “Stuff your face while watching hot people get in shape! Woo-hooo!”

But then I was so full I was actually kind of ill… but then I made a decision NOT to feel bad or guilty, and “get back on track” right away. I think some people would think that this ruins everything and they’d wait until Monday but I never do that.

I have struggled with this binge thing for a while now so I know

#1. It’s not the end of the world.

#2. Just start over right away with your next breath, your next meal, your next exercise session.

So since it was about noonish, and I am so so so freaking full, I decided I probably just won’t eat again until breakfast Saturday morning. No big deal. I have “weekend duty” so I’ll be on dayshift tomorrow and Sunday.

The Halloween party is tomorrow night and we are making lots of junk food but I think for me personally I probably just won’t eat any. We’ll see… I’m not sweating it.

Also when I stepped on the scale it still says “150″ and this is with all that food and everything still “in there” so that is really good. I’m in a good mood and I’m not going to Gazelle or anything this evening I am just fatigued and sore I’m just taking it easy. My wife and son are up and making treats for tomorrow evening’s party and our friend is over with her daughter so it’s just going to be a relaxing evening with the family until I fall asleep.

In other news… I made the decision to tell my bosses at work about my Medical Problems and they are trying to be understanding but at the same time it IS the military so I think it is ruffling a few feathers that I am unable to do the more physical aspects of my job… and last night one of my co-workers actually said to me “So I hear you’re making up new forms of arthritis now…” and I was really upset and pissed off at that for a while. Because it means that everybody in my shop probably knows now and secondly there must be at least a few who think I am full of crap.

It is very frustrating to wake up every day in some degree of pain. I am not on any serious painkillers at all. Every freaking movement I make is pain to some degree. If I have to pick something off the floor, get in and out of my car, the simplest movements cause me pain somewhere on my body every moment of my life.

I did not ask for this but I choose to be positive and smile and tell people I am just fine. I continue to try and work out as best I can on any given day. I continue to hobble my ass all over work fixing these planes as best I can without complaining.

How do they think it makes me feel on my really bad days when I can’t pick up my son. Sometimes my wife will do things like pick him up and twirl him around and I can’t do that stuff anymore. Taking out a bag of trash is a major chore. It’s not that I am too weak to do these things, it is that it causes me a lot of pain.

And somebody has the nerve to say something like that to me. I was very very angry for a while but fortunately last night I had a job where I was assigned to update some software on the jet so I got to sit in this CLASSIFIED room for a while by myself while working on the computer and just sit there and stew, which honestly helped.

They are trying to assign me jobs where the most physical thing I have to do is carry around the heavy-ass laptops we have and maybe climb up and down the ladder to the cockpit.

Sometimes I think “Geez, this is so sad… I can’t even climb up and down a ladder without pain.” And it’s true but I don’t think they understand that. I REFUSE to go in there and complain about everything so I think they truly do not understand the extent to which I am in pain all the time.

 And by the way, I really appreciate you listening. I don’t like to burden the people in my “real life” with these types of “woe is me” complaining, but I feel like my journal on BS gives me a place to share how I really feel.

I really feel like I am making the best of this situation as I can. I don’t know what is wrong with me, or what I have or anything. I can’t help it this but I am doing exactly what the Air Force taught me : adapt and overcome.

Good news : I got my first achievement medal.

—Matt

Okay here is the thing : It is said that to have a Samurai / Bushido mindset you are supposed to live each day like it is your last. Right?

Okay then. I keep reading where sometimes people who suffer from extreme arthritis or pain conditions (whatever it is I have…) have to “pace themselves”. And that is true. On these days when I Gazelle, like… 10 miles and then I’m mowing the lawn outside and everything… well by the time it’s bedtime believe me I am in a lot of pain.

So maybe the next day I’m completely hurting from the start, right?

So they say on your “good days” to pace yourself so you won’t have a bad day the next day. But me, I get to feeling like “Oh I can tolerate the pain pretty well today.” and I end up doing all kinds of stuff I maybe shouldn’t. This week, Sunday was good but then Monday night I popped my chest. These past few days I’ve been in a lot more pain and discomfort but we have been having a lot of rain so I think that may aggravate it.

Well okay I’m on a profile now and I might get discharged from the military for all these medical problems and I hate that. It takes so much away from my pride and masculinity that basically all I can do is Gazelle. I haven’t even been able to do the Leslie Sansone DVDs. I can sort of lift my son, he’s about 30 pounds but that is my thresh-hold these days.

I suppose — from what I’ve read on the Net and Wiki, a lot of pain conditions will be bad for a week and then go into remission. So I keep reminding myself that Sunday I felt really really good into Monday and that will return.

Maybe I should be more “Tao” about things. Instead of wanting to Gazelle a Marathon, perhaps I should use that time and energy to do something less physical that would mean something to the world. Like maybe spend the 8 hours writing letters to children or something. Or something like that.

Because Gazelle-ing 8 hours is going to kill me for the rest of that weekend.

I need to get away from the mindset that these physical accomplishments define me.

I guess… before when I was so athletic and slim physicality was so important to me… being slim still is and I am getting there slowly but surely. But I just can’t do too much physically anymore.

As sad as it sound, sometimes GAzelle-ing briskly for an hour or two is very very difficult.

I need to find some new focuses besides working out, physical stuff… I need to redefine who I am—

Perhaps I will make a rule to limit myself to 90 minutes of formal exercise at the most each day. And I should maybe focus more on my family, spirituality, and humanitarian things.

Any suggestions as to hobbies or good charities or good projects would be mucho appreciated.

—Matt

Good morning, BSers. First of all, thanks “zamboni” for stopping by. Yes, I have seen Second Lions and it is pretty good. And I do take a “Joint Supplement” which is MSM plus Glucosamine.

Last night… I don’t know what happened to me and all sensibility I had but I just ATE and ATE and ATE at about midnight. I had several rolls dipped in syrup, I had cookies, I had oatmeal, I had waffles, I had every little carb my body does not need and I’m not even sure why because even if I was hungry I surely ate past the feeling of being satisfied.

It is upsetting because I know I was having a great week. At one point I was down to about 147 and now I am not sure if I will even be able to “break even” when I step on that scale tomorrow morning.

Nevertheless… I go on with a positive attitude, and some new challenges. I have decided to start a “No Eating / Snacking / Bingeing @ Night Challenge” on the forums. I think I may have started one before but abandoned it. If I can find it again I’ll just bump it up. I think there may already be a No Binge-ing challenge going and if so, I’ll just jump on that.

Our Thanksgiving Walking Challenge is going really well… I think I will be around 240 miles now. I think I will hit 300 before Halloween. I have decided to do a “Gazelle-A-Thon” and before that, a “mini” version. They will be 15 miles and 27 miles, respectively.

 I am going to do the Mini version on Friday night, November the 2nd. I will start at 8:30pm and give myself 4.5 hours to complete it. Then on Nov 9th I will try and do 27 miles on The Gazelle. It’s not going to be easy by any means.

Anyway, because of last night… my plan is for a little “compensation”… today I already did 6 miles on The Gazelle, and I will try to eat about 1000 calories in the course of the day. Sunday I’ll do another 4-10 miles on The Gazelle and eat about 1200 calories and then I start GraveYard Shift again and I’ll give myself about 600 calories to start off with.

But really I want to stop all this binge-ing all the time. On a normal day, I eat around 1600 calories and I feel fine, even if I exercise and I am active. I wake up at night (or in the late morning when I’m on Grave Yard Shift) and just have this urgent voice in my head for CaRBS! and FATS! but if I just get some water and some diet soda… and wait it out or get back to bed I am fine.

It’s not real hunger.

It’s all mind games.

—Matt