Slimdude

I actually have a lot to post about, BSers… if I remember it all. So I hope you are in the mood for a long Blog post. If not, well hey… there are other blogs in the sea.

First of all, the scale says “150″ this morning. Sadly, even as I promised MarathonGirl we would start a 30-day challenge together of not bingeing I did exactly that last night. But for some weird reason, I don’t feel all that badly about it. Maybe because I know I can just get on the bandwagon today, eat about 1200 calories, and be okay. I also think it’s because I know that I’m only 150 pounds. I think if I were, like… 200 pounds and I had this problem I’d be more upset. I just don’t get mad at myself for binges anymore. I just (sigh) and start over again. I’m glad. I can remember the days where I’d binge and wake up and feel HORRIBLE about myself and I’d be grouchy to my friends and family the whole day.

If you binge eat, please please please make an effort to accept that it is a bad habit but it is part of who you are… PLEASE do not beat yourself up about it. Just start with your very next meal. Take a nice walk if you can and remember there are bigger things in life. Your family and your friends and people on here at BuddySlim. Okay? feeling guilty and grouchy only makes the problem worse.

Okay… so then. Yesterday I had my Bone Scan downtown. I was up and walking around most of the day so by the time we picked up my son at about 4pm I was in so much pain. I sat my butt down on the couch and took a pill and did not do anything hardly for the rest of the day. Okay maybe I did make dinner for myself and wipe off the kitchen counter and do a few dishes. But this was later on after I felt better and before Project Runway came on.

Well anyway about my Bone Scan they shoot you up with ink and then  two hours later you come back and they look at your bones, I guess with some sort of radiological machine. I don’t have anything new in any of my body but on the report that my original doctor gave me it has all my bloodwork and my medical history since I got here and (hahahaha) it’s like a novel. It’s huge. It’s so funny that over the past year my body has been failing me slowly but surely. Here I am this used-to-be fit guy who works out and exercises and tries to balance everything with weights and resistance and cardio and yoga and I was just falling apart.

And now we think we know why : the Cushings Syndrome… the elevated cortisol. I was looking on the report and it says a normal person, at their highest level upon rising in the AM, is about 18 micrograms. This is the HIGHEST level. Mine is 46 micrograms, ALL THE TIME.

This in turn causes muscle wasting, fat storage in areas like the face (”moon face”), the abdomen, and the neck and high on your back. It causes hypertension and facial flushing. It causes weakened joints, tendons and muscles. It causes stretch marks to appear out of nowhere. Et cetera. Oh and it also says it causes depression and psychosis.

I think I’m weird but in a good way and certainly not depressed or psychotic. Although do psychos know they are psychotic? Hmmm…

Well, the point is, based on my tests so far, we have a direction to go in and I can start this road to getting rid of the uber-high cortisol levels and that in turn will fix my other problems.

Like my ribs breaking and my joints hurting.

I went to Wal-Mart this morning ’cause I feel alright so far and I bought some “old-man” type walking shoes with velcro and good cushioning. cause my feet are achy and sore every day and I’ve noticed my knees are starting to ache a lot which they never did before. And also for some reason my right calf muscle is sore as if I did calf raises or something but I didn’t. This is the type of soreness you get from working out. So I wonder what’s up with that?

Okay … so now for some fun stuff:

*Today is my son’s Thanksgiving party at DayCare and I’m planning on going. It’s in the afternoon so I should be well-rested by then. I sleep weird hours now and I usually take my muscle relaxer pill in the late afternoon… like 3 or 4 because by then I’ve been moving around too much (anything over 10 minutes and I start to get the stabbing pains in my back) and that either makes me really sleepy or puts me right out. I am trying really really hard to not let my pain make me a grouchy person to be around for my wife and son.

That is one thing on my mind is how much pain I am in but I try really hard to hide it around them and laugh and joke and tickle my son because I don’t want them to start avoiding me or anything. I think I’m doing a great job my wife and I spent the whole day together yesterday she went with me to our base hospital to pick up referral stuff and my medical history packet and then downtown to the bone scan people and then to lunch at Applebee’s and then back to bone scan and then pick up the boy. It was great.

My wife is so pretty and so generous and so giving. She’s been going to the gym lately after she drops our son off at daycare and I am so proud of her and I felt really bad she did not get to run yesterday because she was doing all my stuff with me but she told me not to worry about it, she’ll go “tomorrow” (today).

She is just the kindest, most wonderful person you can imagine and sometimes I do get upset like with the concert on Friday. But she really really really wants to go, it’s somebody she LOVES and it’s really the only artist she likes to go to her concerts. And she has done so much around her lately with me being almost incapacitated I feel like I can manage just this one night and give her the day to go over there and see her Rock Concert.

I told you this was gonna be long.

Okay so Project Runway. I know, I’m a dude but I seriously love that show. I don’t even know that much about fashion but my wife does and it’s one show where we sit there and both totally get into it and talk about it during the commercial breaks.

She knows who all these famous designers are like the one “guest judge” my wife was like “Oh my God… she does the most elegant, faaaabulous wedding dresses” and it made me laugh the way my wife said it like this chick was the second coming of Jesus, only designing wedding dresses instead of wine or something. You ladies certainly do get excited about your wedding dresses.

Well, we hate the Christian guy. The one with the lisp, the glasses and attitude. PLUS his outfit was so freaking fugly I could not believe how much the judges liked it. It looked like something you’d find at a senior citizens cast=off yard sale. Wow it was hideous. But they loved it so what do I know?

We hate that PISTOL girl. I think that was her name. She was irritating. Also the hippie moon goddess chick was annoying. Her dress looked so pretty in the front but that god-awful train she attached to the back, I mean what the hell was she ON? Shrooms?

My favorite honestly was that one black and white dress with mild blue accents. It was really pretty and simple. If you blinked you probably missed it. The grey dress that one didn’t do anything for me but I liked the sparkly silver babydoll dress the one guy did. I thought it was jazzy and great.

And that poor girl with the boring, crappily made dress… wow she was out of her league seriously. That looked like something I would try to cobble together in 15 minutes for a boyscout project. And she wanted to be a serious designer? Hmmm…

Alright well, that’s enough YIN. Tonight, bring on the testosterone and the YANG because it is LAST ONE STANDING on Discovery Channel. YES!

and now your joke for the day:

The trouble with military branches working together is a communication issue! For instance, you tell the Navy to “secure a building” and they will turn off all the lights and lock it up. The Army will bust down the doors, make sure there are no insurgents, and radio back to base. The Marine Corps is hella bad-ass, and they will bust through the freaking walls, take no prisoners, and position themselves outside to make sure the building remains secure!!!

The Air Force will take out a three year lease with an option to buy.

Aim High, Baby!

—Matt