Slimdude

Thanks to all the BSers who left me such supportive comments on my last post. You have no idea what it means to have this community to reach out to and have you leave comments like that.

On one hand, I really feel weird logging on and pouring out all these negative, depressing emotions regarding my current situation. It’s not the kind of man I want to be. But on the other, it does feel nice to have a safe and secure place where I can write about how much pain I am in and the emotions I am having that go along with it.

Saturday and Sunday all I have done is lie on the couch. My wife has done everything around the house and with my son. I admit that sometimes it is pretty nice to lie there and watch stupid TV. because ya’ll know I like TV. But give me a break, 12-16 hours a day of cable TV? Yikes!

So I try to get up about every hour or so and do something, like Blog… or do a few dishes. Or put away a few clothes.

But the pain has gotten so bad that even that just wipes me out. Just 10 little minutes of moving around and my whole body is just lit up with sparkly white pain and I have GOT to lay down again.

I hate asking my wife to do anything for me, even though she is the most patient and kind-hearted person. I know she would do anything for me, but it seems so unfair that I just lay on the couch while she takes care of The Boy and all the household stuff too.

I really feel badly about it.

Then there is the fact that laying on the couch with little to do doesn’t put me in the best mood. It makes me sad and depressed. So here I am, this sad depressed lump in pain on the damn couch.

My boss did me a huge favor and said I could take tomorrow off, since the damn doctors didn’t even offer that to me. Uhm, yeah… in the military getting time off is like pulling teeth sometimes. I can’t believe they didn’t even offer to let me stay home. But like I said, my boss gave me the day off tomorrow… and on Tuesday I will take leave. I think I have more than a month saved up on vacation days. So I’m going to take as many weeks as I can. I’m going to sit on my couch and heal.

And who knows? If I can stick to a good diet I could probably even lose a little more weight! Even with no activity. Maybe about 1400 calories per day?

The hard part is you eat out of BOREDOM, not hunger.

I’ll have to watch that.

Once again, thanks for all your support BSers. If you ever think you can’t make a difference with some stupid internet comments, you are wrong. Your comments make me think it is possible for me to resist the junk food, possible to heal, and return better than ever in the coming months!!

—Matt

Well, BSers… the scale showed a gain of two pounds this week. I’m not surprised. All I’ve done is sit around and eat junk food all weekend.

I think it’s a stupid cycle. I am in so much pain lately. My whole body just radiates pain. And I guess one way that I “self-medicate” is with junk food. But in the end , it’s not going to make me feel better. It’ll just make me feel worse as I gain weight.

So I’m going to try and stay positive… I’ll take it easy today and I’ll try to eat about 1000 calories of good food spaced evenely throughout the day. I’ll try to ride my little easy pedal thing for an hour this morning but I’m not sure that I can. Like I said, my entire body, from my feet to my neck is just in so much pain unless I am lying on the couch motionless. I think that my tendency to laugh and joke and be a “good guy” has decieved people… they don’t realize how much it hurts to have these cracked ribs. But I have got to just lie around and watch TV today. Period.

Tomorrow I’ll bump back up to about 1500 calories per day and hopefully by the end of this week I’ll be back around 145 or so.

I hope I’m not bedridden all week.

This sucks.

—Matt