Redefining Yourself
Okay here is the thing : It is said that to have a Samurai / Bushido mindset you are supposed to live each day like it is your last. Right?
Okay then. I keep reading where sometimes people who suffer from extreme arthritis or pain conditions (whatever it is I have…) have to “pace themselves”. And that is true. On these days when I Gazelle, like… 10 miles and then I’m mowing the lawn outside and everything… well by the time it’s bedtime believe me I am in a lot of pain.
So maybe the next day I’m completely hurting from the start, right?
So they say on your “good days” to pace yourself so you won’t have a bad day the next day. But me, I get to feeling like “Oh I can tolerate the pain pretty well today.” and I end up doing all kinds of stuff I maybe shouldn’t. This week, Sunday was good but then Monday night I popped my chest. These past few days I’ve been in a lot more pain and discomfort but we have been having a lot of rain so I think that may aggravate it.
Well okay I’m on a profile now and I might get discharged from the military for all these medical problems and I hate that. It takes so much away from my pride and masculinity that basically all I can do is Gazelle. I haven’t even been able to do the Leslie Sansone DVDs. I can sort of lift my son, he’s about 30 pounds but that is my thresh-hold these days.
I suppose — from what I’ve read on the Net and Wiki, a lot of pain conditions will be bad for a week and then go into remission. So I keep reminding myself that Sunday I felt really really good into Monday and that will return.
Maybe I should be more “Tao” about things. Instead of wanting to Gazelle a Marathon, perhaps I should use that time and energy to do something less physical that would mean something to the world. Like maybe spend the 8 hours writing letters to children or something. Or something like that.
Because Gazelle-ing 8 hours is going to kill me for the rest of that weekend.
I need to get away from the mindset that these physical accomplishments define me.
I guess… before when I was so athletic and slim physicality was so important to me… being slim still is and I am getting there slowly but surely. But I just can’t do too much physically anymore.
As sad as it sound, sometimes GAzelle-ing briskly for an hour or two is very very difficult.
I need to find some new focuses besides working out, physical stuff… I need to redefine who I am—
Perhaps I will make a rule to limit myself to 90 minutes of formal exercise at the most each day. And I should maybe focus more on my family, spirituality, and humanitarian things.
Any suggestions as to hobbies or good charities or good projects would be mucho appreciated.
—Matt
You remind me of my brother. He is in a lot of physical pain most of the time, but he pushes himself too much as well. No climbing Mt. Kenya again, but still too much.
Maybe one of the local senior centers needs an instructor for basic computer skills or something along that line.
We should all have your “too much exercising” problem. I agree with Dianka. Volunteer at a Sr. Center…if you want to get more exercise, lead them in an arm chair exercise session. It will be easy on your joints and theirs.
When you have been a physical specimen, it is hard when your body starts to fail and you have to come to the realization that you won’t live forever. If it’s any consolation, we are all in the same boat on this one. None of us are going to get out of here alive!
My best advice is find something you love and teach others about it.
Don’t forget tutoring in the schools, Big Brothering, helping at a homeless shelter. I have been in this wheelchair 28 years and I WILL NOT GIVE UP, Of course I do stupid things such as dropping that darn processer on my foot. A lot of these aches and pains are helped by yoga stretches, now stretches only,slow and easy. Also a lot of times you hurt the cartilage between the ribs, oh Lord, that is really painful, but it will heal with time and rest. Sometimes takes longer then a broken rib. Hang in there, friend. Pain is the pits but I try not to think of that word. As a nurse, we call that discomfort, but it sure hurts like hell. Rest a little, with the job you have and than all that exercise you deserve a break and not at Mc Donalds. Marge
I can relate to your blog Matt. Redefining yourself and seeking your worth that is not based on how many pounds you can lift or how many miles on a Gazelle you can get.
You may want to ask your wife, your friends, and family to help you redefine yourself. Listen carefully. You might be up for a big surprise. They may see something in you that you don’t think is important or significant.
Time to think ouside the box. For me it means to shup up and let others talk. They can see my blinds spots I am not aware of and point out some great things that I typically dismiss.
Hugs,
Tatiana
Matt-
I think it takes more of a man to admit to himself that he is limited to the Gazelle than a man who stubbornly overdoes it on a more ‘manly’form of exercise. Maybe getting on the Gazelle doesn’t make you feel like a manly man, but limiting yourself so you can stay healthy for your wife and son is definitely something to be proud of!